Update

Just a quick update:

I wrote in my last post that my target date for shooting new headshots was early November, and I am thrilled to say the headshots are done, I have the disk and online proof sheets, and got a bunch of 4x6s printed up. I love when I stick to a plan! By the way - I went with the dirt cheap photographer. Now is the daunting task of picking which ones to print up - this is becoming an excrutiating process. I'm getting conflicting opinions. I didn't want to pick my own, but at this point I'm tempted to pick a few I like, and show them to a few trusted people who know me and/or my type.

I went to Actorfest last weekend. It was good except for one very awkward experience where I ran into someone who didn't know I was an actor, eek!

This weekend I took a 2 day intensive. Wow, it FLEW by, but now I'm exhausted.

December looks like it's going to be a very busy month.

This feels like a major life decision!

I need new headshots. I've felt this way for awhile but wasn't quite ready to do them but knew I wanted to get new ones before the end of the year. As time marched on I felt more and more ready. As I got to know my "type" better, and learn more about how to get great shots I felt more and more ready. Then last week I showed someone my headshots and they said I looked younger in person (even though the pics are three years old!). Yeah. It's time.

I also put it off for two major reasons.

1. I thought I wanted to shoot with a very, very expensive photographer. OK, they're not the most expensive out there but they are on the more pricey side. I met this photographer at an actor event thingy last year and was impressed with their work. And more importantly, I felt like I clicked with them - they got me. It was like talking to someone back home. I also met the makeup artist and clicked with them too. I felt like I would get great headshots with them and if that happened it would be well worth the money. Of course, there was that part of me that said, "just because they take great headshots doesn't mean that you'll get great headshots!" This has happened to me before. A few years ago I saw a friends terrific headshots and asked who the photographer was. I had checked out other photos by this photographer and they were terrific. I know other people who have shot with this photographer and they have great shots. Mine...eh...wasn't so happy with them. My last shoot was better, but I still wasn't 100% thrilled with them. But I think I know how to prep better for a shoot now. Anyway, I also found out I can get a discount with this photographer through a group I belong to, and the makeup artist is included in the price, so taking all that into consideration, it was still a bit pricey, but maybe only $100 or so more than the average price.

2. I wanted to get in better shape before the shoot. If I was going to be paying the big bucks for these headshots I wanted to make sure they were something I could use for awhile! I didn't want to shoot, then lose weight or tone up and have to re-shoot in six or eight months. I'd even like them to last longer than a year. I decided if I got in better shape the new headshots would be my reward!

Then a friend told me about a photographer she knows who will give me a dirt cheap deal because he's a friend. She says people are getting auditions from his photos. Hmm. There's an option - go for the cheaper solution now, and when I get to my goal weight re-shoot with the more expensive photographer. I checked out their website and the pictures were really good, but I couldn't stop thinking about the more pricey photographer. I don't know, I wasn't completely in love with these photos enough to justify spending even a small amount of money on them. I decided to pass on that and save the money to put towards shooting who I really wanted to shoot with.

I decided that the best time for me to shoot the new shots would be in the fall. Preferably in November after I went on vacation in October. I've lost weight and gotten myself into better shape, and although I'm not at my goal weight, I just can't put this off any longer. My old headshots are three years old! I decided to take a break from acting class and use that money for the new headshots. I didn't feel ready for new pics before, but now I do.

Then someone else recommended another dirt cheap photographer. Okay, they're not "dirt" cheap normally but they are very, very inexpensive, and this person claims that if I mention their name they will give me a discount making it dirt cheap. And their photos were AWESOME! Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. This really made me rethink my plan. I was impressed with their photos and they're very, very reasonable even if I don't get the discount. They're so reasonable I could shoot with them now and shoot with the more expensive photographer when I do reach my goal weight. Or maybe I'll love these headshots so much I'll just re-shoot with them! Who knows!

I haven't even called the photographer yet, so nothing is decided but I'm leaning towards that option for now. I'm also thinking my target date to shoot is early November. I'd love to do it before I go out of town in October, and have the new headshots for if I go to ActorFest in November, but I get so stressed before I go out of town it's just not doable. Also due to some unforeseen circumstances my vacation might be canceled and I'll just be taking a trip home instead. I need to know what's going on with that before I do anything. I also need to get my hair cut and my eyebrows done, and do all the necessary "emotional" prep for them! But I can still call the photographer next week, see if this is someone I actually want to shoot with, and get the ball rolling!

BTW, the BEST headshots I even had were FREE! Yep, I found a photographer who had just come out to Los Angeles from a smaller market and was trying to get his business going out here so he shot some people for free and I was one of them! I got called in soooo many times from that headshot (even though the photographer who did my photos after that hated it - but of course they would!) but it got old and looked outdated and I had to get new ones.

Okay, so I have a plan, and I'm sticking to it! My target date is the start of November, no matter which photographer I decide on. Whoo-hooo!!!!!

I'm a sucker! Part deux.

So not too long after I wrote that last post I got an alert from the casting site where I had submitted on that last project. I had a feeling it was for the thing I just submitted on and sure enough it was. The person/people involved with the project wanted me to come in to tape a short piece that supposedly would be used in the project. Okay, cool, it looks like this is a go! Finally this person may actually be following through with something that I'm supposed to be involved in. But then again, this is just the taping...I have to wait and see if it's actually used. Yep. Here we go again.

The shoot was fun and easy. I spent more time driving in traffic and waiting than taping the actual thing. I felt like I rambled on and on but they only did one take so I guess I didn't come off sounding like a complete idiot! They also seemed really happy with what I did and told me someone would let me know when my segment would be used, so now I play the waiting game. There's still the chance this will never see the light of day...sigh.

A week or two ago I went to this free motivational/career/get your act together seminar. It was INCREDIBLE! I left with some great ideas - not just feeling motivated to do more, but actual, concrete things I can do. A lot of it was very, very similar to another group I already belong to, but this seemed to go a little more in depth and got specific about things. For example, one of the things my group talks about it mailing postcards, etc. to producers and directors. This person who I heard speak actually talked about what info to put on a postcard, especially if you have nothing going on at the moment. I also purchased a book and downloaded some free stuff off their website and between the seminar, book, and free downloads I came up with two ideas I want to try to put into action. This stuff also talked about why we procrastinate, etc. and I think a few things that were said really hit home with me and why I can't get anything done. Basically it all comes down to just doing something and not worrying if it's right or wrong, or if it's perfect, etc.

I also decided to go back to the class I was in before...at least temporarily. This is not my old, old, acting class but the one I was in before I started the advanced class. I had sorta worked out a pay as you go situation with the teacher where I wouldn't have to commit to a full session of class. Couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to do it or not, so did nothing. Then had a minor anxiety attack because I wasn't in any type of class, then got a message from my teacher asking what I was doing - they must hate me, this is the second or third time I've done that, not given a straight answer! Am I taking a step backwards? I don't know. I kind of feel like it but I have a specific reason for wanting to do this. I think I had some sort of minor breakthrough from taking these voice over classes and I want to see if any of it is bleeding over into my on-camera stuff. Or I guess a better way to say it is to see if I can apply any of it to my on-camera stuff. So I may go back to class for a month then see where it goes from there.

I have a voice over class later today so I need to go prepare for that. I don't feel like it, which means I just need to sit down and do it!

I'm a sucker!

Ugh, I'm trying to find an old post I thought I wrote but can't find it - I looked through this blog and my old blog and it's not there. I have a feeling I never finished it so I never posted it.

Today I submitted on a project that I'm pretty sure is being put together by someone who I swore I would never attempt to work with again. The funny thing is, I've never actually worked with this person - they've come pretty damn close to promising me the opportunity to work with them, but it's never panned out. This is what I thought I wrote the post about, but now can't find it. Basically a few years ago I supported an endeavor this person did. A lot. Time wise and money wise. I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't getting anything out if it, but still, I contributed to the success. Then that eventually fizzled out and this person started a new endeavor that has done really well and included several ongoing projects. I was NEVER involved with any of these. Okay, to be totally fair, this person means well. They do. They've done some great things. And yes, I understand that they have the right to pick whoever they want to work with. But on more than one occasion I was not given what I was told I would get, and in fact, was somewhat lied to. The first time this happened I was supposed to be involved with the project and even signed the freakin' paperwork and was somehow left out. And it was not like the project never happened - it did, just without me. And I had even helped a little bit with giving this person some advice on the logistics of putting this project together! The second time was a small series of projects, and I was told I couldn't be used this time, but would be the next time. Then the person who was supposed to working with me on the project was told it wasn't happening. Then several weeks or months later I see a casting notice about it! Jeez! That was kind of the last straw - no more. I found out about other stuff this person was doing and didn't bother to try to get involved. I let it go. Wasn't angry or anything, just realized it was one of those trees I shouldn't be barking up. (I've actually learned a lot about this lately and just last week learned a great way to deal with situations like this) Let it go...

Until today when I saw something that I think this person is involved with and submitted. Ugh. Oh, here's the thing I forgot to mention. This person has some great connections. And it's not like they're doing these projects on their own. They have support from a legitimate source and legitimate people with great connections. Basically almost anything this person does is guaranteed to be seen by a lot of people. It's great exposure. That's hard to ignore.

So yeah, I submitted on it. It's an easy little project that seems like it won't take up a lot of time. And it's exposure. And it's something I could easily tell people - hey, I did this, check it out! So here I go, waiting to see if I get called in for this...waiting for this person to throw me a tiny bone...

I'm a sucker.

Movin' On

Well, the day after I wrote my last post about acting class my situation changed. For ONCE something seems to be working out in my favor.

The "conflict" I have on Tuesday nights is that I'm supposed to be doing a play starting in September. I say supposed to because I've learned not to count on ANYTHING until I'm actually on stage, or on set, or wherever. It's more of a series of monologues than a full-scale play, and I think it's one of those rotating cast-type deals so at the audition the director said they could put me in the show starting in September. I even went to see the show last week. It's decent. For the most part the acting was good and the material is good. At times I was like "okay, I'm just watching one monologue after another" maybe it needed to be tied together a bit more? But overall the show also seemed like a lot of fun and I like the monologue I'll be doing.

So, like I mentioned in my other post, that means taking a break, or moving on from my current acting class. I don't have a problem with that...as long as this play is definitely going to happen. I don't want to leave class and then have the reason I'm leaving class not go through. What to do? What to do?

Well, last week I found out there's not going to be another session of class. So now it doesn't matter if the show doesn't happen...I'm not going to have class on the same night anymore so there's no conflict! Whew, one less decision I have to make.

But I do hope this show happens! For some reason I really want to do this show! I like the monologue I'll be doing - it's one of the more comedic ones. And it will be something I can promote when I do postcard mailings. I can say, hey, I'm in this show! I've also been looking for a reason to e-mail an industry contact I know so this is a great excuse! I also happened to meet another cast member and they told me that the director switches up the casts and the monologues, so that's cool. This is one of those uncoventional type shows I love doing!

I also had a talk with one of my teachers about my class options because the class I'm in right now isn't continuing. They recommended another class. It's a class I've been considering taking, but may need to take a break and wait a session - for scheduling and financial reasons. The other option I was given was to go back to my old class on a week-by-week drop in basis. Hmm, that's a possibility. A way to keep from being rusty. But then the more I thought about it the more I don't know if that's what I really want to do. The class I'm in right now is more advanced than my old class. Something about it seems like a step backwards. I also got really spoiled because this class was a smaller class...and 1/2 the class rarely showed up so it was a VERY small class.

So, I think I'm taking a break from class. Scary! A few of us talked about it after class. Are we really ready to leave? Move on? Take a break? Actually, I have my voice over classes and found out about a two day intensive workshop I want to take, so it's not like I'm completely out of class. Maybe I break will be good. It's just weird - I've been there so long it's going to feel strange not being in class there. But something just feels right about it - the timing is right. And I do plan to go take that other class the next time it's offered.

Or I could always go back to my old acting class...not ruling that out entirely yet! At least I know there will be cake there!

Same old, same old

I've been considering going back to study with my old acting coach, at least temporarilly. Due to some recent events and scheduling conflicts I am most likely going to be either taking a break or moving on from where I'm studying now. It's not a bad thing. If things go as planned, starting in September I'm not going to be available the night of the week that my current class is on. Yeah, I could see about taking a different type of class there, and was seriously considering it, but then was told something that made me reconsider. Nothing bad, in fact it wasn't even about the class, it was more about me and how I'm going to get cast and this class might not be worth my time and money...well, it would, I know I'd get something out of it but it might not be where I should be putting my time and money right now. But I digress. I also could really use a financial break from it right now too. I can always go back. Or maybe it's time to move on...I've been there awhile.

Because I'm TERRIFIED not to be in some type of class, (I'm not counting my voice over classes because to me that's a whole separate thing and I'm not even sure if I'm going to continue with that), and I haven't done any research on new classes, and I got an e-mail that a new session of class is starting, I considered going back. On one hand, I know what I'm getting into. But on the other hand...I know what I'm getting into.

It's a good class, the people are talented (although some of them I think this is more of a hobby for them) and we work 3-4 times per class. And the class is dirt cheap. But...sometimes there's a "casual" vibe to the class that every so often gets a little too casual. Like this is social hours instead of class. Don't get me wrong, I really like the people in the class, and I admit, I've contributed to it, but caught myself and stopped (much to someone in the class' disappointment, lol).

The final straw came about a year ago. After a long absence I went back to the class for a few sessions because I felt like there was some stuff I needed to work on and could work it out in that class. For the final class we had gotten paired up the week before to work on a scene outside of class. I had a scene I really really wanted to do, and thought this one person in the class would be a good fit for the other character. I emailed him the scene and we were planning on getting together outside of class but it didn't work out so we decided to meet early before class and work on it then. I get to class early. Other people are outside working on their scenes too. My scene partner is nowhere to be found. I wait. And wait. And wait. Never shows up. Class starts. He's still not there. The teacher says they haven't called to say their not coming. About 15 minutes or so into the class, or maybe even later, my scene partner shows up. It was one of those weeks where someone decided to bring food or cake. My scene partner had agreed to bring something, drinks maybe, or maybe silverware. They had to go to three different stores to find what they were looking for. They say they were determined to find it and were not showing up without it!

Are you freakin' kidding me???!!! They were more concerned about finding whatever it was they were trying to find than working on the scene???!!!! And you couldn't even CALL me to tell me you're running late? I guess I could've called them, not sure why I didn't. We did get time to work on them in class but I felt like the scene had a lot of potential it never lived up to.

That was a year ago and that was my last class. That wasn't the whole reason I left - I had a sceduling conflict so I was unavailable the night of class, and I was also taking class elsewhere.

But when I got the e-mail about this session starting, I considered it but couldn't decide. There's a really big CD workshop I want to go to that's on the same night of the second week of class, and then I found out I have a scheduling conflict the first week of class so that decided it. I sent an e-mail back saying I was hoping I could've done this session but can't. I get an e-mail back saying that's okay...and that there are several birthdays in class around this time so someone is bringing cakes.

Some things never change...lol.

This-n-that

I know it's been forever since I updated this thing. So many times I started writing posts about things I wanted to post about but never finished. I'll try to give the abbreviated versions of stuff.

My advanced class. Never got around to writing about this and I'm now seven classes into the second round. First round started off, uh, rather slowly? I went in expecting to start off with hard-core scenes, etc. but no...the first three or four classes were basic acting exercises. Huh, what? Now, I do have to say I DID get a lot out of this class...it just wasn't as advanced as me and some other people expected. I didn't want to sign up for a second round and have to start over from scratch but then found out we were doing different things so decided to take another round. This round was a lot more advanced - harder scenes, homework to prepare outside of class, etc. Now this round is coming to an end but don't think I'm going to do another round for various reasons - mostly because starting in September I may have something else going on the same night of class.

Voice over classes. I started them and have now had 3 sessions. Wow. Much harder, and MUCH more work than I expected. Also not going quite as smoothly as I hoped. Oh well. I'm not going to write much more about this because I do want to start writing separate posts for my VO stuff. This I promise I will do!

Auditions. Had four in July - just not for projects I'm not sure I want to get involved with. One was for a film version of a play. I think it was a full-length film, not a short. I found out about this the same day of the audition, couldn't make the time, sent a message to re-schedule for later in the day, never heard back, decided to go later in the day anyway. Had a somewhat upsetting experience before the audition, manged to keep it together to go to the audition, got the sides, it was a short monologue, did it best I could, no re-direction or anything, then was asked if I've seen the play version. I've heard of it but have never seen it. They give me a free pass to see the show that weekend. Ugh, was this a ploy to get people to the show? Was not up for going that weekend. IF it SEEMED like I was going to be actually CAST in this film, at least know I have a call back, I would go. But last time something like this happened I went to the callback, went to the show, talked with everyone, etc, and NEVER heard back, grrrr. (That actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise because 2 months later I got cast in a play I had been WANTING to do for a long time and wouldn't have been able to do it if I got cast in the other show).

Another audition was for some sort of interactive dinner-theater show type thing. I had gotten a message through Actors Access that I had submitted on something else but they wanted to bring me in for this. Okay...don't know if I want to get wrapped up in play rehearsals right now, but I'll go to the audition, and it's nearby in the Valley. The message said to come to the audition ready to improvise. Okay, easy enough, nothing to prepare so it's not like I'm spending hours preparing for an audition for something I'm not sure I even want to do. I get there. I see someone I know...who I think is a little odd...someone who claims they have TONS of auditions every month. Okay, good to know it's for smaller stuff and not paying, union gigs. One of the dudes auditioning us talks to us a little bit before we go in. I overhear him asking another person if they have a monologue. What! Okay, don't panic. I have a monologue I can pull out when I'm in a pinch like this. It's a decent monologue, and I like it, but don't know if it's completely right for me - the character is, but it's really written for someone about 15 years older than me. I've tried to make it more age-appropriate but something about it just doesn't feel right. But it'll do. I start running it in my head. Okay, I'm good. But I do wish they had MENTIONED this in the e-mail so I could've PREPARED a bit more! Ugh. But when the dude asks me if I have a monologue I can confidently say yes. Whew. Feels good to be prepared! When it's my turn to go in to audition dude #2 chats with me for awhile, then I do the monologue and he tells me to stick around to improv a scene with someone. I'm paired up with another girl and I think it goes well. Not perfect - I think I didn't follow a few improv rules and got stuck on one thing, but they said we listened well. Afterwards we were saying how that was an odd audition and wish we had been warned about the monologue. Oh, the other thing was two actors there did NOT have headshots with them. That's bad. Someone even said something to one of them. I understand it happens - I forgot to bring my headshot once, oop! how embarrasing! - but TWO people in a small group didn't have them. I'm glad I'm prepared!

I also went to audition to possibly be a part of one of those 48 hour film project things. It was in the South Bay the day before 4th of July weekend. Ugh, 2 hours to get there! They asked for something prepared too, and neglected to tell me I needed to prepare anything. They also had sides and I opted for the sides. Maybe I should've done a monologue. Didn't get cast in whatever they decided to do. Maybe it was because I pointed out that it was the day before the long weekend and asked a bunch of questions. These were young comic-book geek type dudes and, sorry, but I had questions. LEGITIMATE questions that NEED to be asked before getting involved with something. Is this their first film? What are they shooting on? What are they editing on, etc. I tried to keep it light and conversational like I was just curious but in reality was fishing for info. Hmm, they seemed to have it together but they were young. Also didn't know if I would mesh with them well - have a feeling they would want to make some weird-sci-fi-fantasy type film that doesn't interest me.

The fourth audition was for a play. It's actually a series of monologues - man, I love those abstract monologue shows, lol. It went GREAT. I'm not saying anything else right now because I *think* I got cast in it and don't want to jinx it because everything else seems to be falling apart right now.

I also finished my French class. It was more fun and got easier as the weeks went by. I signed up for level 2 but it got cancelled due to low enrollment. Oh well, I can take it in the fall, or at another community college.

Other than that I've been trying to get out more, do more. Went to a few networking things, hopefully will do some CD workshops this month. Had a few CDs come to my class. The usual.

But I think it's time for a change.

Finally!

This morning I got an e-mail about an open slot on Wednesday for the VO classes I'm starting. I e-mailed back saying I wanted to take the slot and now it's mine, yay! This means I'll be starting my classes two weeks earlier than planned - would've liked to have started a month earlier, but the first two openings I couldn't do, and the third one I was too slow responding and someone else nabbed it. Still, my plan is to do one class a week - although schedule-wise and money-wise every other week might be more realistic. I'm just hoping things go well and the teacher doesn't say "sorry, your voice sucks, why don't you just save your money and do something else." I'm seriously having bad flashbacks to college speech class!

Last week I found out about a VO gig for a website that I go to a lot. It wasn't a paying gig but would be good practice and some exposure. They wanted a demo but if you didn't have one you could record the sides and send them in. I was going to stretch the truth a little and say I was in the process of putting my demo together (hah! not even close to that point!) so I don't have one to send in and had to record the sides. I planned to record them on the sly at work. But unfortunately in the end it didn't work out. Our system is so antiquated - it records to tape and I was hoping to be able to convert it to an MP3 and put it on a CD. Could not for the life of me figure out how! Was too scared to mess around with the computer for fear I'd mess something up. I also tried recording the tape to DVD so I could bring it home and put it in my computer. Couldn't figure out how to do that on the DVD recorder. I think it's a 2 step process and I wasn't sure how to do the 2nd step. I gave up. I also wasn't 100% thrilled with my read which could mean one of 3 things - 1. I was too preoccupied with worrying about running the equipment or that someone would show up at work while I was recording, 2. I'm not really right for this, or
3. I have no clue what I'm doing! (which is why I'm taking VO classes!) Probably a little bit of each. I do have to say I sounded better on the professional microphone than on the little mic on my computer. I did try to record it at home by attaching a microphone to my video camera, but in the end it was just too much trouble for something I really have no idea about what I'm doing. The sad thing is today I found out that someone I know just set up their home studio and I probably could've talked them into letting me record it at their house. Oh well.

A few weeks ago I was talking to someone about how I was starting VO classes. I was saying how I went to a few VO seminars and realized I have no freakin' clue what I'm doing and if I really want to do voice overs I need to get into some sort of structured class. They said they knew what I was talking about and how they went to some VO thing once and it was horrible - like they were just reading from the page. Somehow we got on the topic of price of classes - I think I was saying how I had done a lot of research, heard a few VO teachers speak, and audited a class that turned out to be one of the lower priced classes, but what I decided on was the best fit for me even though it's expensive. My friend is like, why don't you take the cheaper class so you'll comfortable and then take the more pricey class when you're more confident.

Okay, I understand their point. I understand trying something out before comitting to it. But the thing is, the cheap class ain't cheap! We're not talking a $50 or even a $100 class. The "cheap" class is about $500! I know there are those "getting started in voice overs" seminars that are somewhat inexpensive, and I guess if I knew NOTHING about voice over it might be good to take one, but I'm not totally clueless. I've now gone to three free seminars and audited a class, and listened to a few audio seminars, so I have some clue of what's going on. Also, it isn't like I'm jumping into some advanced class - this teacher teaches all levels so why waste my time and money taking class somewhere I really don't want to take class? And so what if I'm not comfortable or confident yet - that's what class is for! The teacher is not going to expect me to be at the top of my game the first day. I highly doubt they expect me to walk in there and impress them, lol.

Aha! I think I just realized why this person said this to me. OK, now I get it. I get where their coming from and why they have this mentality and even where they got it from. Not even gonna get into that here because that's a WHOLE other post.

I'm also beginning to really thing you do "get what you pay for." Too many times I've tried to save a buck or two (or a hundred) and not been happy with the results. Okay, okay, I know the opposite is true too. But I know this is a reputible teacher, one of the best. It's taken me way too long to learn that you just can't cut corners on certain things.

The other thing is I pay per class as I go, so I'm not locked into a six week session - so if I do end up just not liking it, I can stop anytime and not pay another cent.

This post went in a totally other direction than I planned, lol.

This weekend I went to a party in Long Beach. The person lived on a little penninsula between a bay and the ocean. They had a patio. They could walk to both the bay and the ocean. I'm SOOOO jealous. Yeah, their apartment was tiny, but still, they live in a GREAT location! And they have their own garage and a HUGE patio. We barbecued and drank on the patio. I still have a stomachace from all a ate and drank, lol. 2 people had kayaked over from the OC so we walked over to the bay and saw them off. I wanted to go to the beach or at least see the ocean portion, but we never did. Things like that make me want to throw in the towel and go rent a little place by the beach, lol.

Tonight I have French class. It's starting to make a little more sense, but I can't retain this stuff at all! If I can get going I'm going to go over to the college early and check out the theater and film buildings.

Hurry up!

I'm getting antsy and impatient. I'm supposed to have a possible audition on Tuesday or Wednesday and I haven't heard anything. It's something I submitted on almost 2 weeks ago, a show that I've done before...twice. Got an e-mail back from the director saying since I've done the show, and played the role they are trying to cast, I might not need to have a formal audition. If they could talk to whoever directed me in the show Maybe I could just meet with them sometime before the audition, or just drop by the audition to chat. I e-mailed them back with the info and yes, I'm interested in doing this, and haven't heard from them since. Sigh. I'm trying not to think about it. It won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen, and it also means I won't have to do some serious schedule rearranging. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention - this is to do the show out of town at a theater festival...I think this is the first time it's being done outside of LA, which would be exciting. I'm actually more concerned about the LA rehearsals than going out of town - the out of town thing would just be one weekend, I think.

Like I said, it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen, and financially and schedule-wise it's not the best thing for me to be doing right now, but if I'm gonna be completely honest with myself I really, really want to do this and would find a way. I think I would drop everything to do this. I have a weird obsession with this show that's lasted over three years now since the first time I saw it. I can't explain it. It was like I was just sucked in and it became a big part of my life - like once you do this show it never really ends - I'll always be connected.

What if I slipped through the cracks? Or they found someone to play the role already? Or even worse, this director talked to the other directror and they said, don't even bother! Okay, that's highly doubtful because that director wouldn't have cast me a second time if they thought I was bad, lol. It's only Sunday, and it's possible the audition dates got changed or something, so I'm not giving up yet. I just would like to know for sure whether this audition/meeting is happening or not, and if I have to go through an actual audition I need to prepare.

I also want to get going on these voice over classes. I've gotten two e-mails about cancellations last week and this week, but unfortunately neither time slot worked for me so I could'nt bump up my appointment. Ugh. I'm hoping there's more cancellations this week or next. Still, my first lesson is less than a month away, so it's not that bad.

Last week I went to a thing about voice over demos at one of the organizations I belong to. The person who spoke hasn't been doing VO very long and a lot of it was stuff I'd heard before, although they did say a few things I didn't know about. But the encouraging thing is they already had booked work! And they studied with the person I'm going to be studying with, so that's good to know.

Oh, things worked out fine with my haircut. I explained that I thought it was too short last time and didn't like how it looked on camera. My hairdresser cut it the same length, but left the layers longer so it doesn't look or feel as short. I'm happy with the outcome. It's a teensy bit too short, but in two weeks it'll be just the right length.

Le Francais est tres difficile!

I'm going to get my hair cut at 2pm. I have stuff I need to do before then but I'm sitting here updating this blog, lol.

I started a French class last week. I took six years of French in middle and high school. Then forgot it all. I want to be able to get back to a level where I can put it in my special skills section of my resume. I don't expect to be fluent or anything, but at least get to a level where I can put conversational French on my resume.

I checked out a few options and decided to go with one of those community extension classes at a community college. It seemed like the cheapest and easiest option for now - the class meets for two hours once a week for six weeks and cost about $100 with all the material and parking permit fees. I didn't want to officially enroll in a community college and have to take required classes and get grades - too much - I don't need a degree in French. I also checked out some sort of language institute but it was very, very, very pricey. I also took their online placement test. I tried the one they suggested for people who took French before but a long time ago. Couldn't even get past the first question! I tried the most basic test and could barely do it! I also checked out some online classes - most of them were more expensive than the class I enrolled in - I can pay less money AND be in an actual class. I also thought about buying a set of CDs and also checked out some free online options but in the end decided it would be better for me to be in a classroom situation. And the community college I signed up at is only about a mile from me so that's good. I had never been to this college and let me say...it's a dump.

I went to the first class expecting the teacher to be some French woman who had lived in Paris. Or at least like my high school French teacher - a mean old woman who supposedly lived in Paris for awhile (or so I was told - never truly verified that). Imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw an African American dude! Okay, I later found out he was Hatian, but still, not what I expected! And he started talking to us in French right away! Is this class going to be entirely in French? Jeez, I think in high school we were at year 2 or 3 before we got to that point! There's nine people in the class. Most of us have had some exposure to French - either took it in high school or have been to France but never picked up the language. There's a couple that are going to France in July so they're trying to learn. Then there's one girl who's completely clueless. And she has a weird accent. I thought she was southern or something but then I thought she said she was Russian. It's hilarious to try and hear her speak French...she can't pronounce anything!

I was lost the first class. Most of it is about what stuff SOUNDS like. I need to see it written down. This is very weird for me because I usually learn stuff quicker by hearing it - that's how I learn my lines all the time. But for some reason I have to see the words. We did have to go write all the French words we knew on the board - I did really well there. But I think most of my words were from "Foux du Fafa!" lol! Thanks Flight of the Conchords! We have a CD and book set that we have to listen too. I seemed to have better luck with that at home. It made sense. Got to the second class and was kind of lost again. We also have a sylibus with homework - I don't understand the sylibus, and it's not because it's in French! It's just written and set up weird.

I'm hoping this starts to come back to me. There's certain things that I think I learned different before - or thought I learned them different before, which is more likely the case. I can understand certain words and phrases, expecially when I read them, but have a hard time expressing myself. I have NO retention for this at all! I need to start doing something everyday so I don't forget. I thought about trying to watch DVDs in French or with French subtitles and the teacher even suggested it last class. I think I'll try that. I'll also see what I can find on the internet for French websites. I'm starting to wish I had taken one of the music or dance classes I thought about taking.

I also went to two auditions last week. One was an open call for a new agency looking for commercial talent. Couldn't find much info on them - probabaly because they were new - but got the open call info from a reliable source so I went. Got a weird vibe from it. Hmm. I don't know. Something didn't feel right. Could be the place is totally legit but just a bad match for me.

I also went to an audition on Sunday for a short film. I was expecting the worst. There were typos in the script. Ugh. That's a pet peeve of mine and also a red flag. And they sent me the entire script with no real instruction what I was supposed to be reading. But it wasn't very long and each character really just had one scene so I just picked a character to audition for and learned their chunk of dialogue. And it was sort of an open call - meaning I could show up anytime between 11-3pm. I almost didn't go, but did, but didn't really care. I mean, I did my homework and was prepared, but honestly didn't think this was something I'd be interested in doing. The project also seemed a bit ambitios - filming in traffic, a car crash, etc. I went prepared to ask a lot of questions. I'm just tired of

Turns out the people were really cool and it seemed like they knew what they were doing. They told me how they were going to shoot it - staging the traffic, etc. and what their plans for the film were - to put it on the internet. And they were really nice. I read it twice, got some laughs and felt good about it. I guess this is just a reminder that you never know, and it's always worth going to auditions. Was this a Sundance-bound film? No. But it could be a nice little piece for my reel and something that could get some attention on the internet. And at least they were honest about their plans and didn't make it out to be more than it was.

This week I've been trying to stay motivated. It's been productive - I went to French class Monday night, started the next round of my advanced comedy class on Tuesday, went to TAN twice yesterday, going to get my haircut today. Lots to do!

That reminds me, I need to figure out a way to tell my hairdresser in a nice way not to cut my hair as short as she did last time and that they style she cut it seems to be becoming the "mom" cut. I don't know if she's going to understand that it's nothing personal, it's a wonderful haircut, but NOT the look I'm going for. NOT really my category, and NOT what I'm trying to market myself as. Three strikes right there. I also saw myself on camera and it was WAY too short in the back and not the look I was going for. I just didn't like it. It wasn't me. Or at least the look I'm going for, or the right look for the things I'll get cast as. The sad thing is in class the other night the teacher said I had a good look going on - I know they probabaly also meant the way I was dressed, but I'm sure it also included my horribly overgrown hair that desperately needs a dye job! Figures.

Slowly but surely getting this thing updated!

I should be working on a monologue right now...but instead I'm updating this blog.

So, on to June.

Last Monday was a screening of a film I did a few months ago. I didn't go. Mostly because it was a horrible, horrible experience all around and I really had no desire to see the finish product and be reminded of the whole ordeal.

I was on the fence about going to a CD workshop on Saturday. It was someone who casts one of the shows that's on my target list. I usually wait until the last minute to sign up for these workshops because there's usually plenty of room and sometime they offer a discount when they're desperate for people. But on Friday I got an e-mail from a website I subscribe to about an industry event on Saturday. It was geared towards producers/directors/filmmakers/etc. but I thought it might be a good opportunity to go. It was at USC and it was a series of panels and you could choose 3 to go to. Let's see...I could either

1. pay $35 to meet ONE person, a CD.
Or
2. pay $40 and meet about 15 people who are producers, writers, directors, etc.

I opted for #2. A better deal all around! And that included lunch, a gift bag, a raffle, coffee, and more coffee (yes, the itinerary said "more coffee"). At the event I also found out that included muffins and danish in the morning and cocktails at night - I skipped both of those - danish and muffins are good but too fattening, and as much as I was craving a drink I was about to fall over from exhaustion by the time the event was over and had to drive home.

So I got up early and trekked down to USC to get there around 9:30 to check in. I shelled out $8 for parking because I was scared I wouldn't be able to feed the meter, and I felt better leaving my car in a secure parking garage on campus than on the street all day - even though I've parked on the street outside of USC plenty of times (even once with major police activity going on) and never had a problem. I checked in (alphabetical by first name, okay, that was confusing) and got my gift bag (filled with expensive skin care samples put in Academy Award gift bags, including a full bottle of moisturizer - score!) and made sure I got my coffee! At 10 there was a little opening seminar type thing where the people who run the organization sponsoring the event spoke a little bit. I really didn't read much about what the organization was, but it was something affiliated with USC and most of the guest speakers went to USC. I think most of the people there were either students or alumni of USC then a small amount of people not affiliated with the school. The organization was called Women of Cinematic Arts so the opening speakers did talk about women in film type issues (and I was happy they talked about women in FRONT of the camera!) but the panels didn't deal specifically with women.

The first panel I went to was about independent features and a group of indie producers spoke. It was really interesting. I was really happy when they brought up the topic of dealing with SAG and to file all the paperwork with SAG early. I really think there are a lot of inexperienced filmmakers who don't know how important that stuff is. I really liked that panel.

The next panel I went to was about TV and the Web. It was a variety of TV producers talking about how they use the internet for the shows they work on. They all seemed to agree that the internet was not going to replace TV. Wow. That was really surprising to hear because I've heard so many times how internet is going to be the new TV. Hmm. Interesting with the whole SAG contract thing going on right now. Can't even begin to get into it here. Another great panel with some interesting speakers.

I was undecided which panel to attend for my third one. One was about creating webisodes and the other one was about getting and working with an agent. The webisode one was what I wanted to go to and thought I would learn the most from. I didn't know how much the agent one would help me because it was mostly writers and directors and I'm not looking for a literary agent. But, there were some GREAT speakers on that panel - writers from hit shows, directors from films. A great networking opportunity. Hmm. What to do, what to do... I read the bios of the people again and saw that one on the webisode panel went to Emerson! Aha! That was the deciding factor. I was starting to feel a little odd being around USC students and graduates all day - I needed to hear someone speak who was one of my peeps! Yes, I managed to find the one person who went to the same college as me! A lot of stuff the speakers talked about was stuff I'd heard before - there's no money in webisodes, do it as passion project, make the best quality thing with what money you have, keep them short - but they did say some stuff that I hadn't really heard before such as things about marketing, and getting a distribution deal, and what to look for in a contract. Treat it like an indie film. They also said something interesting how this playground their in isn't going to last long. Hmm. Interesting. I'm not sure if they meant that it's going to go all corporate and studios are going to take over, or it will just play itself out and webisodes are a fad.

Afterwards I stuck around to say hi to the Emerson person. I even missed part of the raffle for this! I hope they didn't call my name - there were some great prizes worth a lot of $$$! But it was worth it to say hi and introduce myself.

The panel I seemed to enjoy the most was the indie film one - but maybe because it was the first one and by the time I got to the third one I had been sitting in seminars all day and was tired. I didn't even stick around for the free drinks. And they were good drinks too! Not just beer and wine but mixed drinks! But I was tired and had to go cat sit for someone and a drink would just make me more tired.

I spent Sunday and Monday trying to get contact info for the speakers so I could send out thank you notes. They didn't give out contact info so I had to do some research. I spent hours on IMDB Pro and even went and looked up stuff in the Hollywood Creative Directory. I had some luck, but a lot of these people weren't listed, or I wasn't sure if I had the best contact info. I wanted to get snail mail addresses but had to settle for e-mail for most of them. A lot of them had websites, and the only contact info I could find was through the website. There were two people in particular I really wanted to send thank you notes too. I found a website for one, but wasn't having much luck with the other. I did find an address, but it wasn't something I found easily on the web, and wasn't sure if it was a home or business address. That seemed a little too stalkerish. I did find a MySpace page for one of their films. Ugh, I guess that was how I would have to contact them. Then just for the hell of it I searched the film name on Facebook. Aha! There's a facebook page for the film and it has contact info! Voila! An e-mail address! Not as good as a snail mail address, but much better than contacting someone through MySpace!

I still have to write the thank you notes. Ugh! Why do I procrastinate on this so much? I think I want to make sure I'm saying the right thing, and what I want to say and I think about it way too much. I need to just do it.

Whew, almost caught up! One more post should do it!

Oh, I did try my free skin care products and LOVE them. Uh-oh, does this mean I'm going to be buying expensive moisturizer from now on?

Trying to get up to speed

I'm trying to get this blog up to date - the last two weeks of May were really busy.

Sometime mid-May I got an e-mail from a writer friend asking if I wanted to be a part of a staged reading/one act play festival at a theater they belong to. I did it last year and it was fun so I said yes. They told me they had a part for me in one of the plays that was being put up on the 31st and that the readings going up this weekend still weren't cast so there was going to be a little get together on Friday night where people could read stuff and get cast in stuff for that weekend. Cool. I said I'd do that too.

Then a day or two later I got a call from a project I had submitted for sometime within the past week. It was a trailer for a feature length film that was a finalist in a competition being sponsored by Netflix. I guess people had submitted scripts, ten finalists were chosen, those finalists have to make a short film/promo/trailer/etc., then the those are put online and the public votes for a winner. So it would be some exposure. Cool. But...it shoots in Victorvillle, about 90 miles outside of L.A. Don't know if this is a downside or an upside - on one hand it's a long drive, but on the other hand it would be an adventure - shooting on location - road trip! And it shoots that weekend, which would mean backing out of the play festival that weekend. The person told me that they knew if was far, but the director really liked my look. I need a moment to think. So I tell the person who called me I have a possible commitment that day but could probably cancel it and I'd call back in an hour.

Was this worth doing? Would it be exposure? How much would I be in this thing? Is it background? Would they cast me in the actual film if it wins? Hmm. After thinking it over I call back and agree to do it...because it would be an adventure! I've learned not to expect anything in these situations - such as being cast in the project if it gets made - but I thought it would be fun to shoot something outside of LA. I've been to Victorville before on the way to Vegas. It's this oasis of shopping centers and restaurants out in the desert. The person tells me the A.D. would call me with the location and call time, and wardrobe would call me about what to wear. Wow, maybe this is a bigger deal than I thought! The night before the shoot I got an e-mail with the call time and location and all those details from the A.D. It was a real call sheet thingy. I was impressed - I was expecting this little shoot, but it's bigger than I thought. On Sunday I trek out to Victorville. This was in a part of Victorville I'd never been too - I've only been to the strip mall section of Victorville. This was further out. I get lost. I drive back and forth between two strip mall type sections at least 5 times. The address just doesn't exist! Finally I call the person who's contact number I have and I find out that Mapquest was giving everyone the wrong directions. Ugh. I pretty much just had to turn around and go in the opposite direction. Finally I get to my destination - this tiny little diner in the middle of nowhere in the desert. Wow. It was kind of fascinating. I guess it was built a looooong time ago.

The truck bringing the equipment from L.A. broke down, so there was a lot of waiting...and waiting...and waiting. But that's to be expected. At least we were inside. Once the truck arrived there was a lot of equipment, and a lot of people there. Wow. I guess this is a big deal!

Overall the shoot went smoothly. They were just shooting a trailer for the film, so they only shot what they needed to put that together. I was playing a waitress. I've never waitressed a day in my life! I know, that seems odd for an actor to say that, lol! I'm just glad I didn't drop anything or trip and fall!

Sometime within the next week one of the producers sent out a thank you e-mail and a link to where the voting would be. There were some links in the e-mail to the production company. I clicked on them. Okay, this was like a REAL production company that had done some stuff. Okay, I just went back to try and find the website and the link doesn't work - the site is GONE! Hmm...

Anyway, I wanted to send out thank you e-mails to people but never got around to it and decided to wait until the voting started and the trailer was online. I'm trying to make a good impression so MAYBE they will consider casting me in the actual film when and if they make it. The trailer went online two days ago and I watched it. It looks great, except...

I'm not in the damn thing! Nope. Not at all. Not even a glimpse of me! Even the person who was a crew member who stood in as a diner customer was in it! Geez. I know, I know, it happens, it's beyond my control, it had nothing to do with me, and there's nothing I can do about it, but come on! That's so disappointing because I was going to tell everyone to go vote for it! I still am, but now I have to say that I never made the final cut. Grr. I'm still going to e-mail thank you notes to everyone and say the trailer looks great and good luck. And the trailer does look great...and the film seems interesting. I'm still hoping that they'll consider casting me in the actual film, but I've come not to expect too much from these situations - I won't even get into that because that's a whole other post in itself. Oh, I did go to the film's website and I am credited in the credits there, so that's a small consolation! And I don't think I was the only one who got cut. I'm even in the production stills, lol.

So that's that. The week following the shoot I had rehearsal for the one act play reading, and did the one act play reading last Sunday. I think it went well, minus a few minor personality clashes, and the actually festival running long. I also got to talk to a friend of mine about starting the whole voice over process and there was actually someone else there who was also starting the program. Cool! My friend seemed interested in it, freaked out when we told her the cost, but then when we explained it all she got it and said she would do it too if she had the money. So I felt better about that.

I also went to a CD workshop that week. Actually it was a commercial agent night - they brought in two agents and we could all do commercial copy for them. I was going to do the copy I did once before and got great feedback - the cat food commercial, can't go wrong with that! But then thought about bringing my own - something I did in a class once and then did for an agent and everyone really liked it - the agent didn't call me in, but everyone liked it! The thing is, that one can be a little, uh, wacky? I guess that's what I'm going for. Also, it's meant to be done with props, and I'm not bringing props, and I'm not doing spacework, so I have to decide if it makes sense without all that stuff. I think they'll get the idea without it all, and isn't it more about personality and performance than props? I rehearse it a few times to get the words down. I take out the one line that won't make sense if I don't have props. Okay, I'm gonna be brave, take a risk, and do it! But I bring some back-up copy in case I chicken out and they don't have my cat food commercial there!

I get there and the cat food commercial copy is there. What to do, what to do?!? I decided to take a risk and do the crazy copy I brought with me. I go outside and run through it a few times. Then the workshop starts. Okay, no turning back now. There's a Q&A before we start. I asked questions...two questions...wow, I really was being bold! I usually just sit and listen at these things. Then we start the "showing our work" portion of the night. I go towards the end. It goes well. I get a couple laughs from this one guy sitting in the back. And I got HUGE laughs on one part - not really sure if I should've gotten laughs there, but it's still a good thing. Unfortunately I don't know if the agents laughed or not. When it was over I felt good! I felt great! I was soooo glad I took the risk and did that copy. I made sure to send out thank you notes the next day. Haven't heard anything...but it's only been a week and a half...but the sad reality is I probably won't hear from them. I don't mean to sound negative, but it's the harsh reality...there's so many factors out of my control. But, I feel good because of the stuff I could control - I went in there and gave a kick-ass performance! And I'll make sure to stay in contact with the agents. Still, it's frustrating...not gonna go off on that tangent...

So that was May. Oh, yeah, I also went to a party down in Long Beach the last weekend of May, whew!

Now on to June....

Did I just sign my life away?

I feel like I just signed my life away.

For the past year I've been thinking about trying to get into voice over work. Never really thought about it much before that. Last year I booked a VO job on a total fluke - went to an open call for an Internet radio station looking for people to do voice over for commercials and promos and for improv actors who could play callers to the radio station (that's the reason I went). It went somewhat well and the engineer let me hear some of my audition back. Damn! I sounded good! Then I got an e-mail saying I booked...something, and to come to a meeting. Found out what they were doing was creating a pool of voice talent with their own database of voices people producing the spots could listen to and choose who they want. There was also the option of training to be an on-air host but wasn't sure if I was into that or not. But the VO thing sounded cool - $25-$50 for an hour or so of work? Sign me up! At the time I was also in a slightly desperate situation and wanted out of my day job ASAP so I really wanted some extra cash! But...the job never happened. E-mailed them saying I was still interested, and got an e-mail back saying it was taking longer to get things going than they anticipated. Then I never heard from them again. So here it is a year later and that lovely little job never happened. :(

But it got me thinking, hey! I can do this! Maybe I can get a little demo together!
I've heard of people doing it on their own. I have a computer with recording software! Let's do this! Not too long after that I went to a VO demonstration thing at one of my networking groups. And you could get up and record a sample VO they would e-mail to you if you needed stuff for your reel! Cool! Sign me up! Between than and what I can record at home, I'll have my demo together in no time! One of the people speaking at the demonstration also put together demos...hmm, says they're cheaper than most demos but it seems expensive....I don't need it...I can do it on my own! I wasn't even thinking about classes or anything at this point. Then I got up and did my little recording. Ugh. Harder than I thought. Much harder than I thought. Hmm...maybe I should take a class? Nah, I can act, I can do voice overs! But the demonstration was really informative - I didn't know how much you could actually record at home. Not too long after that I saw a casting notice for a voice over job and they wanted people to send an MP3 for their audition. I recorded something on my computer and e-mailed it off. It took forever because I had no clue what I was doing! But I can figure it out and get that demo made!

A few months later, maybe after the new year, I went to a free VO seminar. It was taught by someone who did both VO casting and taught classes. They stressed the importance of class and how it was a waste of time to make a demo until you've had enough training. They won't even produce someones demo until they've taken the advanced class and are ready. Hmm. Does that mean you sit in the advanced class for months and months and they take your money over and over and FINALLY say you're ready? Well, I can take class somewhere and still make my own demo...right? Went home and looked at the person's website. They're demos cost FOUR TIMES what the person I met at the demonstration last year cost! Yikes! Then I listed to some of them. Wow. They sound great. They sound very, very professional. Better than the other persons. Way better. And definitely better than anything I could put together. I went and audited a class. Okay, I'm somewhat impressed. But seems pricey. But you can set up a payment plan. Hmm. Went home and looked up some other VO classes online. Okay, this class is actaully one of the cheaper ones out there. Hmm. Maybe I'll think about it.

Then I got into the advanced class at the studio where I take acting classes, put all my money into that, and the VO stuff kind of fell by the wayside. Then a few weeks ago I went to go hear another VO teacher speak. I was completely blown away by what they had to say. This person is extremely pricey but was completely honest with how much money you have to put into this. Between training, demo, packaging, putting a home studio together, getting on the VO casting websites, etc. it's a chunk of change. A very large chunk of change. But I was really impressed with what they had to say - basically they laid out the whole process and if you follow it you'll save yourself a lot of time, money, and frustration. And it's private coaching, which is probably why it's so damn expensive! But something about this seemed right. Hmm. I know people who have studied with this person. I went home and listened to the demos. Wow, they were great. And a little cheaper than the other teacher's demos I listened to. Hmm. What to do, what to do!

The thing I liked about this person's method was it seemed like they treated it as 1. starting a business, and 2. an entire process. It wasn't just like, okay, you took some classes with me, let's do a demo, and good luck! No, it really seemed like they guided you through the entire process of going from a newbie to a working VO actor. Yeah, you have to follow their instructions on everthing, but since I don't know much about VO, I kinda like that. I decided I really wanted to do this. Then I wavered. Changed my mind. Am I giving up on what I really want to do - TV and film? Or is this another avenue I can pursue in addition to TV and film? Is this just another area I'll try to break into, or can I really make some money doing this? Then I finally just took the plunge and did it. E-mailed and set up my first consultation! Purchased the required materials, signed the forms, wrote a check, and mailed it off yesterday.

What the hell have I done?

Am I taking away from what I really want to do? What about putting my webseries together? Will I ever do that? Is all my time and money going to go into this process now? Argh! But...what if I do end up making money from this? What if it is the thing that makes it so I can afford to do all the other stuff? Makes it a little easier financially every month. What if this is the thing that gets me out of a day job I hate so much! What if I actually LIKE doing this. What if I'm actually good at it? What if I'm actually SUCCESSFUL at it? I'm pretty sure I will enjoy it - I had a blast at that audition I went to last year. And I think I can be really good at it too! I'm just scared I may like this MORE than I expected and totally give up on trying to pursue TV and film...

Oh, and if I DON'T like it...I stop. I'm not locked into anything, so yeah, I'm out some money, but if I don't do I'll never know.

I can't think that way. I'm thinking of this as an investment. A huge investment. Plunking down a very large chunk of change I had put away. A portion of the money I had saved up in case it got to the point where I had to make a quick exit from my day job. A part of me feels like now I'm trapped at this day job. The money's dwindling and I can't replace it.

But...the money's been sitting there for awhile. Not doing anything. This is an INVESTMENT. Yeah, it's risky, BUT...there's the potential to make that money back and then some!

So yeah, I'm a little freaked out today. But I'm not thinking about it. Except for the money part, I'm EXCITED to be starting this! I got some of the materials yesterday - still waiting for one more thing I hope gets emailed to me soon. My consultation is in mid-July, but may be able to be pushed up if there's a cancellation.

I'm excited to start this process! But what have I done!!!????!!!!

Trapped in the never-ending cycle

Last Monday I had an audition. When they called me with the appointment I had asked which project this was because I've submitted on a few things and they said it was the one looking for "teacher types." Okay, cool. That morning I tried on I don't know how many outfits to look "teacher-y." I wish they had been more specific - is it young hip teacher? Sitcom/comedy offbeat type teacher? More realistic looking teacher? In the end I decide on a skirt and this cute little jacket that's been in my closet for over a year and I've never worn because I thought it might look more office-y than what I wear. When I tried it on I had a cute tank top under it and it looked kind of hip and cool so maybe I'll start wearing it! The audition isn't that far away so I get there in plenty of time to do my hair and clean up the soda that exploded in my car on the drive over, ugh. When I go to the audition there's 2 people ahead of me. The girl signing people in gives me sides. I look and the character I'm reading for is a gypsy. What?!? How did it go from "teacher type" to "gypsy woman"? I hear the girl telling people that they're just having people read the same thing and she isn't even sure why they put out casting notices for different types. I REALLY wish I had know this, but I'm not surprised. I auditioned for these people once before and it was an...uh...experience. To be honest, gypsy woman seemed more fun than teacher type so I decide to have fun with it. The thing I was most pissed about was that I spent so much time trying to find a teacher-type outfit.

I'm the second one called in. The person auditioning us (I'm pretty sure they're the director or producer, this is so low budget I'm sure there's no casting director involved) pairs us up and I get paired with someone who I'm 90% sure had never acted before and thought, hey, I can be an actor, I'll submit for this! They didn't even have a headshot with them! Either they forgot, didn't know to bring one, or didn't have a hard copy. We do the scene. I just have fun with it and feel somewhat good. Then the person auditioning us give us an adjustment and says something like "okay, this is was good, but what we need to work on is..." Okay, THAT turned me off. What is this, class? "What we need to work on." That's such a poor way of wording something. It's so much better to say "let's try it this way," or, "I have an adjustment for you." But I took the adjustment and did it again. Then they say they'll be letting people know the next day and we're we available Thursday to shoot something. I say no. I have another audition for something I really want to go to and I'm not canceling for some no-budget thing. So they say, something like "well, I can't use you Thursday." I wasn't too disappointed. Maybe they're shooting stuff other days but I really don't care.

I'm a little embarrassed to say this was something I found on Craigslist. I know I'm better than that but I just feel like I need to be doing something. I'm VERY picky about what I submit for on there, but a lot of times it's hard to tell. This is my dilemma - I submit on anything I'm right for on the online casting sites, get called in, it's crap, I get frustrated because I'm wasting my time, I get pickier about what I submit on, get called in less, BUT don't feel like I audition as well because I'm not auditioning as much. It's a vicious never-ending cycle.

I had my other audition on Thursday. It was for a web-series type thing that seemed cool and it would mean some exposure. I think it's an already somewhat established thing and they were adding more roles/regular cast members. I felt like it went pretty well, but then yesterday got the "thank you for auditioning but we won't be casting you" e-mail I dread so much. Why do I hate that? Why do I prefer not hearing and then just thinking, okay, I guess I didn't get it. I think it's because I just kind of forget about it if I don't hear anything, but if I hear a "no" then it's a definite thing. After 2 or 3 days I usually forget about it, but then to be reminded with a "we won't be casting you" e-mail reminds me. I'd rather just forget.

Basically I chalked both auditions up to experience, which is fine but I'm frustrated. I want to be going on BETTER auditions! This has become a big part of my frustration lately. I finally feel that I'm now at the level where I CAN be going out on better auditions, or auditions for LEGITIMATE television and film roles, but I'm not. Maybe this is the next step. Maybe I just never felt ready, but now I do. Maybe it's time to kick things into high gear. The thing is I'm not exactly sure what I should do at this point. It also doesn't help that I'm not SAG and I don't have an agent. Grrr. Do I start up the postcard mailing again? Do I do another agent search? I feel like I've done these things in the past with no results and don't know if I have the stamina to do it again. Do I tape some of my own stuff and put together a kick-ass demo reel and get it out there? Or do I say "fuck it" and put all my time and energy into doing what I've wanted to do for a long time and put my own web series together and get it out there?

I feel lost. So I sit and do nothing. Maybe I should try to do something productive tonight just to feel busy. Then when I don't get any results I get frustrated. And do nothing. See, it's a vicious, vicious circle...

Then you'll understand...and you'll know why...I have to go.

The other day I was looking at my old blog, the one I kept until the end of last year. I had another one I kept before that, but I think the last time I updated that one was in 2005 or 2006. After reading through some of my entries I realized something...that blog is so much better than this one! The posts were more entertaining, there were more backgrounds to choose from, I gave the posts clever little titles.

I miss my old blog.

I thought I wanted to blog here because this is where I started my photo blog. I thought I wanted to keep my acting stuff separate from other stuff (even though a lot of my posts were about acting in the other blog), I thought I wanted to keep in mind when I did this blog that others might read it while the other one was more for me (mostly as a way to track my progress or keep a record of what I've done). And there were cooler backgrounds at my other blog, lol. I also realized I don't like keeping a blog strictly about acting...I'd so much rather throw everything into one big blog!

I'm thinking of going back to my old blog. Or moving those posts over here. Or what I really should do and combine all three. The other thing I liked about the old blog is you could make the entries private, or only viewable by friends. I'm guessing there's some way to do that here, but I haven't figured it out yet. The only thing is, I was keeping that blog at a place where I don't think many people blog anymore. Is it outdated? Hmm. I'll have to think about it.

April was pretty much a bust. Other than class, I had two auditions, one CD workshop, and went to one thing at Actors Network. That's it. The good news is May is already shaping up to be a busy month. Next week alone I have 2 auditions, going to showcase-type thing, and meeting up with my buddy from Power Group. Later in the month I'm signed up for stuff at Actors Network (I actually signed up instead of just showing up!) and think I'm going to an agent night at the place where I do CD workshops - one of the agents is one that I've submitted to before and would like to get in front of.

Talking about all this blog stuff has now made me want to update my horribly neglected website too.

I guess I'll stay here for now. Or at least until I figure out what I want to do with these blogs!

Longest two weeks ever! Part 2

I have given up on trying to finish the massively long post. It's so far in the past now, I don't feel like writing about it. Part of it is it was such a horrible 2 weeks I don't feel like recalling it right now. I'm sure bits and pieces will make it into other posts, but for now I'll just do a rundown.

Went to the industry guest night at class. Performance went GREAT! But was told I came off as defeated when I was talking to the guest. WHAT!?! Ugh, that's not good.

Felt bad, but had to pull myself out of bed the next day for this audition/shoot that I wasn't 100% sure about what it was - an audition or a shoot? Turns out it was filming little scenarios for a documentary AND an audition to do a voice over for it. It only took a little over an hour or so, and the people were really, really nice. Since then I've gotten an e-mail saying they found a narrator but are considering some other voice over stuff too.

Had a much better class on Tuesday. I kicked ass in class that night!

Went to my last class that the industry guest was teaching on Saturday. Felt dumb because I came off as defeated when they came to my class, but it was a good class and a director who's been around awhile and done a lot of stuff was the guest speaker. I also found out there might be an advanced on-camera class with multiple cameras! Cool!

On Wednesday morning I got a notice about an audition for a student film on Saturday. 9:50am in Valencia. Ugh! That's like 1/2 hour away so that means leaving about an hour early to be safe - and I don't know the campus. Consider changing it but decide against it and confirm. They want a monologue...that fits the description of the character. What!?! Just give me sides please! I have a monologue that SEEMS like it fits the character and that's the one I'm using because I'd rather do a monologue I know really well and have it not be quite right than do one half-ass that I don't know.

That night I get an e-mail saying that someone I knew but hadn't seen in over a year died. Wow. I had no idea they were even sick. We used to belong to some of the same industry groups but I think they left both groups and I lost touch. We were friends as much as people are friends in groups like that so I felt bad that I kind of lost touch, but it happens, what can you do... I see there a memorial service...and it's at the same time as my audition. Jeez. I think about not going to the audition, but the film is a comedy and I think I'm really right for the role. I had confirmed through one of the casting websites and once you confirm, it won't let you go back in and change it. I antagonize. What should I do. Get an e-mail from the director re-confirming my audition and sending directions. I ask if I can change the time. Director says there isn't any other slots available. (Come on this is a student film, there will be no-shows!)


Talk to someone about it and they tell me to call them right away and the director is an ass if they won't change it. Ugh, please, I feel bad enough about this all, don't make me feel worse.

I e-mail back and explain my situation and he says I can come later in the day but may have to wait. I agree.

Go to the memorial service. Lots of people there I know. The cemetery was an interesting place - like right in the middle of the city. I drive by there all the time and didn't know it existed. Talked to an actor friend there and said I had an audition and almost didn't go and she said it was good I was going. Probably half the people there were actors and all going off to auditions, rehearsals, shows, etc. after this. I also ran into someone who I used to do shows with a long time ago. Had no idea they knew the person who died. Wow, what a small world.

Make it to the audition by around 11:30 or so. NO ONE is there! Jeeze. Thank the director for changing my time and they're sympathetic. Director asks if I have a monologue or sides. Oh man. I'm slightly pissed. There are SIDES! I SO would've rather done sides! Why are all these people auditioning for a SPECIFIC role asking for monologues? I say I have a monologue. I do it. They give me weird direction. Like pretend the person who I'm talking to isn't there but I'm talking to my sister. HELLO! The whole first part of the monologue is directed RIGHT AT the person who you want me to get rid of? Jeez. I really wish I had said "Oh, if there's sides I'd rather do the sides." I'm SO glad I didn't skip the memorial service for this.

So that pretty much gets me up to speed. The only other significant things I really did in April was go to a CD workshop which went REALLY well, and auditioned for a night of one act plays being put on by the theater company I belong to. There was only one role I was slightly right for, sigh. I with they had said what the plays were and put character descriptions in the casting notice instead of just saying come audition for this! If I had known there was only ONE thing I was SLIGHTLY right for I might not have wasted my time. Oh well. Oh, and I found out about a possible part-time job that I can definitely take if I want it, but have been procrastinating on making a decision.

The good news is things are picking up, so I'll be better about posting!

Longest 2 weeks ever! Part I

DISCLAIMER: This post is long. Really loooong. It's two weeks of solid activity packed into one post. Okay, I just decided I'm going to split this up into two or three posts so it isn't so overwhelming.

The past two weeks have been the most exhausting two weeks I've had in a long time. Physically exhausting, emotionally exhausting, ugh. I really don't even know where to begin.

I started my new class almost 2 weeks ago. I'm not even going to write about that now because it's just too much to put into a post that's already going to be too full of information.

All I'm going to say right now is that the first class was rough, ugh. I think that set the tone for the next week or so. I didn't feel all that great after the first class but really tried to push it out of my mind because I was going to the industry guest Thursday night.

After sleeping until noon on Wednesday I got a message about an audition on Thursday. Cool. I call back and the guy tells me he'll e-mail the info and sides. I read the e-mail and it says they also want me to bring a comedic monologue. Okay, don't panic, I have a few monologues that I just need to brush up on a little bit. I decide to use the one I wrote in my monologue class last year. I print the two pages of sides and decide to get cracking on them so I can re-learn my monologue later. I also need to go over my stuff for Thursday, but I feel pretty confident about that. Lots to do, but this is good, it will keep my mind off having a bad class. No time to feel bad. The audition is for a short film with a funny premise and I'm right for the character. I rehearse the sides and can see it going a few different ways. I make a choice how I'm going to do it (now looking back on it, I think my choice was a little too "middle of the road") and rehearse some more. I print out my monologue and start to re-learn it. Mostly just re-learning the lines, it was easy to slip back into the character. Little worried about using this monologue because when we taped it in class I used some props that were funny and I'm not bringing the props to the audition. Oh well, it will be okay. Soon it's time to go to work. I rehearse the monologue some more during some down-time at work. I think I got it down. I go over the sides some more. Kind of torn between doing them a different way...no I'll stick with what I've got. Still feel a little down after last night's class, but I try to push it aside.

When I get home I have an e-mail about an audition on Friday at 11am but it looks like there's some leeway to change the time but it would be best if I could come at 11am. Can't decide right now, I'll respond tomorrow.

On Thursday I get up early enough to run my material one more time and get to the audition but I still feel rushed. Maybe because I couldn't decide on an outfit. I'm supposed to be in touch with the young, trendy, hip crowd. So I try to dress someone hip and trendy. (Now that I think about it, it might have been funnier if I WASN'T dressed hip and trendy, lol!) Hate feeling rushed. Someone also left me a voice mail about the audition on Friday. I hadn't responded because I was still considering asking for a later time but decide to just keep it at 11am so I e-mail to confirm my time.

The Thursday audition is somewhere I've been before but they moved to West LA near Century City, ugh. No easy way to get to Century City from North Hollywood. I take Coldwater to whatever it turns into on the other side of the hill. Not fun driving through Beverly Hills at lunch hour. Parking is a nightmare but I find a meter. Go to the audition. Someone is in there and one more person arrives after me who is taking on their cell phone in the waiting area, ugh. I try to focus on my sides and monologue and not get distracted. After about 5-10 minutes it's my turn. The people auditioning me were young, and somewhat emotionless...not detached, just not outgoing I guess. The ask me some questions about my availability, etc. then we run the sides. I think it went well. I get an adjustment and do it again. I think it goes okay. I get another adjustment and it's the way I ALMOST considered doing the sides in the first place, grr! I HATE when that happens. I wish I had chosen to do them that way in the first place. I did it again and felt like that was my strongest read. Then they ask if I have a monologue and I say yes. I do the monologue. Feels slightly weird without the props. One person laughs a little but no reaction from the other one. Oh well. Then the person with no reaction asks if I wrote it and I say yes, I took a class where we all wrote our own monologues. They say cool and thanks for coming in and its over. Didn't feel all that great about this one - not horrible, but not my best audition either.

I take Beverly Glen home (much easier than Coldwater) and go over my sides for the industry guest that night. I don't know how I feel about it. I feel confident, but I don’t feel confident, like there's something missing, I'm not quite getting it right. I decide to go for a walk to clear my mind. Come back in, go over the sides a few more times just to make sure I have the lines down. Somewhere in here I also re-read the e-mail about the audition on Friday. Okay, I'm a little confused. It's some sort of improv-ing re-enactments for a documentary, and they're also auditioning for a narrator, but is this an audition for the re-enactments, or are they actually filming that day? I know I submitted on the improv stuff and not the narrator, so I go back to the original casting notice that I submitted on and I'm still confused. Oh well, it's nearby, so I'll just show up at 11am.

After that I start to get ready, take a quick shower, try to do my hair but it's just not working, finally decide on an outfit - something office looking, but not stuffy, more like hip but professional (why didn't I just wear what I wore to the audition?), eat dinner, run the sides a few more times, and I'm off to class.

To be continued...

Does this make any sense?

There's this woman I used to work with at my survival job who's also an actress. She doesn't really work there anymore but does some stuff there once a week. We've never really talked about it, so I don't really know what her full story is, just from bits and pieces she's mentioned and I've overheard. I know she does some voice over stuff, and I think she's done a few plays and films. I have no idea what these films are - student films? short films? low budget films? indies? major motion pictures? I have no idea - it could even be background work. I have a feeling it's either low budget stuff or background work - I could be completely wrong, but that's the vibe I get. I don't think she has an agent. I also think she may have acted in some stuff in her native country.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this but no one at my job knows I'm an actor. Or maybe they do know but have never said anything about it. There were 2 people who used to be there who knew I did improv back in the day, and 2 more who I told after they left the company. I also think there may be a 3rd person who recently might have found out inadvertently. It's easier that way - since I can make my own hours, if I have an audition or shoot, I leave early or come in late with no explanation and no one questions it - I'm sure this makes certain people there mad, but hey, I get my work done - I can't help it if they aren't as organized! I just have this feeling that if I were to start bringing it up and say, "I'm leaving because I have an audition" it's going to open a can of worms I don't want opened - sarcastic comments, unwanted input, possibly even saying I can't leave. Yeah, it's much easier this way.

This woman used to tell our boss at the time when she would go on auditions. I also have a sneaking suspicion the boss had some deep secret desire to be an actor - all the reason more not to tell them. She'd also talk to one of our co-workers about her acting. One day I heard her say something along the lines of how she didn't HAVE to be an actress, if it never happens it would be okay. She also told me once that her passion was what she was doing at this day job. I also heard her say once after she left her full-time position that things were going good with the acting.

Okay, on the comment about not having to be an actress. I'm assuming by her saying "if it never happens" she meant making a living as an actor - I could go off on a whole rant about how you are an actor or you're not, but that's not the point. My first gut reaction is, well, I guess she doesn't want it that bad. There's tons more people out here who want it BAD so she stands no chance. I'm hearing more and more that if you don't give 100% and treat it like a 40 hour job, you'll NEVER make it. I've seen the level of commitment and work it takes. I've even heard if you have a 2nd career forget it - there's no way you can split your time between the two.

But, on the other hand, is she better off? Not wanting it so badly that there's no disappointment when it doesn't happen - when she doesn't get an audition, when she doesn't book a role, etc. Just kind of stumbling into stuff that comes along?

Hmm, I tend to agree with the first thing - you've got to WANT it, you have to be COMMITTED, and you have to WORK at it, and that's just scratching the surface - I haven't even mentioned setting SPECIFIC goals, networking, the business side of it, etc. Believe me, for a long time I just floated along, going to whatever audition came along. But that will only get you so far.

But, I think a little bit of the second part is a good thing. I mean, I always hear, don't be desperate, and I think that's where the 2nd part kind of plays into it - hey, I've got an audition, if I book it I do, if I don't, I don't.

Sometimes I have to ask myself how bad do I want this? Am I committed enough to it? Am I working hard enough? Am I ENJOYING it? But at the end of the day I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't walk away. Yeah, I think it's easy to forget to have fun, but I'm working on that! :)

As far as I know this woman is the fourth person I've worked with who's also an "actor." I put actor in quotes because I have no idea how serious these people are about their careers. I have a feeling they aren't all that serious about it. I think two of them did sketch and improv and the third one did do a co-star on one of my all-time favorite shows (jealous, SO jealous!!!) but they never talked about acting, so I don't' know if it was a fluke or not. I have a sneaking suspicion out of all these people I'm the most serious about it.

I have no idea where this is going anymore, so I'll tell the story of how the person was on one of my favorite shows. I was laying in bed watching it on DVD and was reading the credits to see if there was anyone I knew who did a co-star or guest star on the show. I hadn't recognized the person on the show, but saw their name in the credits. I paused the DVD, literally sat up in bed and shouted "No! No! No!!!!" Then I thought, I'M the only actor at my work! This is one of my favorite shows! How did THEY get on it. Lol. It was pretty funny now that I look back on it.

I have no idea what this post is about anymore. It made sense when I started it, lol. I guess the bottom line is, WANT it, be COMMITTED, but have FUN and sometimes take a step back :)

Weekly wrap-up

Another busy week gone by. I can't believe March is already more than half over! Wow.

The big news is...I got an iPhone last week! Finally! I've wanted one for so long! I've had it for a week and two days and I'm still obsessed with it.

On Wednesday morning I had an audition for a webisode thing and the iPhone saved my ass! I had mapped the address of the audition, but forgot to bring the suite number with me, oop. I thought I knew what it was, and was hoping there would be a sign. I thought about calling someone to go onto my account from the casting site I got this audition from and look up the info. Then I'm like, wait! I can look it up! I did have the right number, but it was still good to know that I can access my info anytime I need to.

The audition went alright, I do think what I've been learning in class helped me break down the script, but I think I could've done a little better than I did.

I was really stressed last week because I was shooting a film on Saturday and had to learn a really really wordy script that made no sense. This whole experience has been stressing me out. I'm in the middle of writing a post about the saga, so I'll post it when I'm done.

I also had my sitcom class on Saturday. We had a great demo reel editor come and talk to us. It was really interesting - he gave us a lot of good tips about demo reels. Oh, and he happened to know someone who I was in a short film with a few years ago and is now a series regular on a show. I'm considering having this dude edit my reel when I'm ready...or maybe I'll just take the tips he gave us and try doing it on my own. That's a tough decision. I'll have to think about it some more.

I also heard from my internship last week - finally. They said they might need help on Monday and Tuesday and I e-mailed back saying I was available but never heard anything back. I really wish I knew what was going on with this.

I actaully made it to a guest at TAN this week! I really need to start going again. I dragged myself over there and I'm really glad I did becuase it was a great guest.

This week was also my last class, sort of. Technically I'm done, and I start the new class next week. But I get to go to the industry guest next week, so it's not really over. It's been so long since I first found out I was going to be in this master class. It's also a little odd that I'm fininshed with the class I was in. I also found out one other person who's going to be in the class with me and it's someone I've known for awhile so that's cool. Oh, and they have no idea what we're going to do in the class either, so I'm not the only one who's clueless!

So that's the wrap-up of this week. Why do I feel like I'm busy but not getting anything done?