Last Monday I had an audition. When they called me with the appointment I had asked which project this was because I've submitted on a few things and they said it was the one looking for "teacher types." Okay, cool. That morning I tried on I don't know how many outfits to look "teacher-y." I wish they had been more specific - is it young hip teacher? Sitcom/comedy offbeat type teacher? More realistic looking teacher? In the end I decide on a skirt and this cute little jacket that's been in my closet for over a year and I've never worn because I thought it might look more office-y than what I wear. When I tried it on I had a cute tank top under it and it looked kind of hip and cool so maybe I'll start wearing it! The audition isn't that far away so I get there in plenty of time to do my hair and clean up the soda that exploded in my car on the drive over, ugh. When I go to the audition there's 2 people ahead of me. The girl signing people in gives me sides. I look and the character I'm reading for is a gypsy. What?!? How did it go from "teacher type" to "gypsy woman"? I hear the girl telling people that they're just having people read the same thing and she isn't even sure why they put out casting notices for different types. I REALLY wish I had know this, but I'm not surprised. I auditioned for these people once before and it was an...uh...experience. To be honest, gypsy woman seemed more fun than teacher type so I decide to have fun with it. The thing I was most pissed about was that I spent so much time trying to find a teacher-type outfit.
I'm the second one called in. The person auditioning us (I'm pretty sure they're the director or producer, this is so low budget I'm sure there's no casting director involved) pairs us up and I get paired with someone who I'm 90% sure had never acted before and thought, hey, I can be an actor, I'll submit for this! They didn't even have a headshot with them! Either they forgot, didn't know to bring one, or didn't have a hard copy. We do the scene. I just have fun with it and feel somewhat good. Then the person auditioning us give us an adjustment and says something like "okay, this is was good, but what we need to work on is..." Okay, THAT turned me off. What is this, class? "What we need to work on." That's such a poor way of wording something. It's so much better to say "let's try it this way," or, "I have an adjustment for you." But I took the adjustment and did it again. Then they say they'll be letting people know the next day and we're we available Thursday to shoot something. I say no. I have another audition for something I really want to go to and I'm not canceling for some no-budget thing. So they say, something like "well, I can't use you Thursday." I wasn't too disappointed. Maybe they're shooting stuff other days but I really don't care.
I'm a little embarrassed to say this was something I found on Craigslist. I know I'm better than that but I just feel like I need to be doing something. I'm VERY picky about what I submit for on there, but a lot of times it's hard to tell. This is my dilemma - I submit on anything I'm right for on the online casting sites, get called in, it's crap, I get frustrated because I'm wasting my time, I get pickier about what I submit on, get called in less, BUT don't feel like I audition as well because I'm not auditioning as much. It's a vicious never-ending cycle.
I had my other audition on Thursday. It was for a web-series type thing that seemed cool and it would mean some exposure. I think it's an already somewhat established thing and they were adding more roles/regular cast members. I felt like it went pretty well, but then yesterday got the "thank you for auditioning but we won't be casting you" e-mail I dread so much. Why do I hate that? Why do I prefer not hearing and then just thinking, okay, I guess I didn't get it. I think it's because I just kind of forget about it if I don't hear anything, but if I hear a "no" then it's a definite thing. After 2 or 3 days I usually forget about it, but then to be reminded with a "we won't be casting you" e-mail reminds me. I'd rather just forget.
Basically I chalked both auditions up to experience, which is fine but I'm frustrated. I want to be going on BETTER auditions! This has become a big part of my frustration lately. I finally feel that I'm now at the level where I CAN be going out on better auditions, or auditions for LEGITIMATE television and film roles, but I'm not. Maybe this is the next step. Maybe I just never felt ready, but now I do. Maybe it's time to kick things into high gear. The thing is I'm not exactly sure what I should do at this point. It also doesn't help that I'm not SAG and I don't have an agent. Grrr. Do I start up the postcard mailing again? Do I do another agent search? I feel like I've done these things in the past with no results and don't know if I have the stamina to do it again. Do I tape some of my own stuff and put together a kick-ass demo reel and get it out there? Or do I say "fuck it" and put all my time and energy into doing what I've wanted to do for a long time and put my own web series together and get it out there?
I feel lost. So I sit and do nothing. Maybe I should try to do something productive tonight just to feel busy. Then when I don't get any results I get frustrated. And do nothing. See, it's a vicious, vicious circle...
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