Did I just sign my life away?

I feel like I just signed my life away.

For the past year I've been thinking about trying to get into voice over work. Never really thought about it much before that. Last year I booked a VO job on a total fluke - went to an open call for an Internet radio station looking for people to do voice over for commercials and promos and for improv actors who could play callers to the radio station (that's the reason I went). It went somewhat well and the engineer let me hear some of my audition back. Damn! I sounded good! Then I got an e-mail saying I booked...something, and to come to a meeting. Found out what they were doing was creating a pool of voice talent with their own database of voices people producing the spots could listen to and choose who they want. There was also the option of training to be an on-air host but wasn't sure if I was into that or not. But the VO thing sounded cool - $25-$50 for an hour or so of work? Sign me up! At the time I was also in a slightly desperate situation and wanted out of my day job ASAP so I really wanted some extra cash! But...the job never happened. E-mailed them saying I was still interested, and got an e-mail back saying it was taking longer to get things going than they anticipated. Then I never heard from them again. So here it is a year later and that lovely little job never happened. :(

But it got me thinking, hey! I can do this! Maybe I can get a little demo together!
I've heard of people doing it on their own. I have a computer with recording software! Let's do this! Not too long after that I went to a VO demonstration thing at one of my networking groups. And you could get up and record a sample VO they would e-mail to you if you needed stuff for your reel! Cool! Sign me up! Between than and what I can record at home, I'll have my demo together in no time! One of the people speaking at the demonstration also put together demos...hmm, says they're cheaper than most demos but it seems expensive....I don't need it...I can do it on my own! I wasn't even thinking about classes or anything at this point. Then I got up and did my little recording. Ugh. Harder than I thought. Much harder than I thought. Hmm...maybe I should take a class? Nah, I can act, I can do voice overs! But the demonstration was really informative - I didn't know how much you could actually record at home. Not too long after that I saw a casting notice for a voice over job and they wanted people to send an MP3 for their audition. I recorded something on my computer and e-mailed it off. It took forever because I had no clue what I was doing! But I can figure it out and get that demo made!

A few months later, maybe after the new year, I went to a free VO seminar. It was taught by someone who did both VO casting and taught classes. They stressed the importance of class and how it was a waste of time to make a demo until you've had enough training. They won't even produce someones demo until they've taken the advanced class and are ready. Hmm. Does that mean you sit in the advanced class for months and months and they take your money over and over and FINALLY say you're ready? Well, I can take class somewhere and still make my own demo...right? Went home and looked at the person's website. They're demos cost FOUR TIMES what the person I met at the demonstration last year cost! Yikes! Then I listed to some of them. Wow. They sound great. They sound very, very professional. Better than the other persons. Way better. And definitely better than anything I could put together. I went and audited a class. Okay, I'm somewhat impressed. But seems pricey. But you can set up a payment plan. Hmm. Went home and looked up some other VO classes online. Okay, this class is actaully one of the cheaper ones out there. Hmm. Maybe I'll think about it.

Then I got into the advanced class at the studio where I take acting classes, put all my money into that, and the VO stuff kind of fell by the wayside. Then a few weeks ago I went to go hear another VO teacher speak. I was completely blown away by what they had to say. This person is extremely pricey but was completely honest with how much money you have to put into this. Between training, demo, packaging, putting a home studio together, getting on the VO casting websites, etc. it's a chunk of change. A very large chunk of change. But I was really impressed with what they had to say - basically they laid out the whole process and if you follow it you'll save yourself a lot of time, money, and frustration. And it's private coaching, which is probably why it's so damn expensive! But something about this seemed right. Hmm. I know people who have studied with this person. I went home and listened to the demos. Wow, they were great. And a little cheaper than the other teacher's demos I listened to. Hmm. What to do, what to do!

The thing I liked about this person's method was it seemed like they treated it as 1. starting a business, and 2. an entire process. It wasn't just like, okay, you took some classes with me, let's do a demo, and good luck! No, it really seemed like they guided you through the entire process of going from a newbie to a working VO actor. Yeah, you have to follow their instructions on everthing, but since I don't know much about VO, I kinda like that. I decided I really wanted to do this. Then I wavered. Changed my mind. Am I giving up on what I really want to do - TV and film? Or is this another avenue I can pursue in addition to TV and film? Is this just another area I'll try to break into, or can I really make some money doing this? Then I finally just took the plunge and did it. E-mailed and set up my first consultation! Purchased the required materials, signed the forms, wrote a check, and mailed it off yesterday.

What the hell have I done?

Am I taking away from what I really want to do? What about putting my webseries together? Will I ever do that? Is all my time and money going to go into this process now? Argh! But...what if I do end up making money from this? What if it is the thing that makes it so I can afford to do all the other stuff? Makes it a little easier financially every month. What if this is the thing that gets me out of a day job I hate so much! What if I actually LIKE doing this. What if I'm actually good at it? What if I'm actually SUCCESSFUL at it? I'm pretty sure I will enjoy it - I had a blast at that audition I went to last year. And I think I can be really good at it too! I'm just scared I may like this MORE than I expected and totally give up on trying to pursue TV and film...

Oh, and if I DON'T like it...I stop. I'm not locked into anything, so yeah, I'm out some money, but if I don't do I'll never know.

I can't think that way. I'm thinking of this as an investment. A huge investment. Plunking down a very large chunk of change I had put away. A portion of the money I had saved up in case it got to the point where I had to make a quick exit from my day job. A part of me feels like now I'm trapped at this day job. The money's dwindling and I can't replace it.

But...the money's been sitting there for awhile. Not doing anything. This is an INVESTMENT. Yeah, it's risky, BUT...there's the potential to make that money back and then some!

So yeah, I'm a little freaked out today. But I'm not thinking about it. Except for the money part, I'm EXCITED to be starting this! I got some of the materials yesterday - still waiting for one more thing I hope gets emailed to me soon. My consultation is in mid-July, but may be able to be pushed up if there's a cancellation.

I'm excited to start this process! But what have I done!!!????!!!!

Trapped in the never-ending cycle

Last Monday I had an audition. When they called me with the appointment I had asked which project this was because I've submitted on a few things and they said it was the one looking for "teacher types." Okay, cool. That morning I tried on I don't know how many outfits to look "teacher-y." I wish they had been more specific - is it young hip teacher? Sitcom/comedy offbeat type teacher? More realistic looking teacher? In the end I decide on a skirt and this cute little jacket that's been in my closet for over a year and I've never worn because I thought it might look more office-y than what I wear. When I tried it on I had a cute tank top under it and it looked kind of hip and cool so maybe I'll start wearing it! The audition isn't that far away so I get there in plenty of time to do my hair and clean up the soda that exploded in my car on the drive over, ugh. When I go to the audition there's 2 people ahead of me. The girl signing people in gives me sides. I look and the character I'm reading for is a gypsy. What?!? How did it go from "teacher type" to "gypsy woman"? I hear the girl telling people that they're just having people read the same thing and she isn't even sure why they put out casting notices for different types. I REALLY wish I had know this, but I'm not surprised. I auditioned for these people once before and it was an...uh...experience. To be honest, gypsy woman seemed more fun than teacher type so I decide to have fun with it. The thing I was most pissed about was that I spent so much time trying to find a teacher-type outfit.

I'm the second one called in. The person auditioning us (I'm pretty sure they're the director or producer, this is so low budget I'm sure there's no casting director involved) pairs us up and I get paired with someone who I'm 90% sure had never acted before and thought, hey, I can be an actor, I'll submit for this! They didn't even have a headshot with them! Either they forgot, didn't know to bring one, or didn't have a hard copy. We do the scene. I just have fun with it and feel somewhat good. Then the person auditioning us give us an adjustment and says something like "okay, this is was good, but what we need to work on is..." Okay, THAT turned me off. What is this, class? "What we need to work on." That's such a poor way of wording something. It's so much better to say "let's try it this way," or, "I have an adjustment for you." But I took the adjustment and did it again. Then they say they'll be letting people know the next day and we're we available Thursday to shoot something. I say no. I have another audition for something I really want to go to and I'm not canceling for some no-budget thing. So they say, something like "well, I can't use you Thursday." I wasn't too disappointed. Maybe they're shooting stuff other days but I really don't care.

I'm a little embarrassed to say this was something I found on Craigslist. I know I'm better than that but I just feel like I need to be doing something. I'm VERY picky about what I submit for on there, but a lot of times it's hard to tell. This is my dilemma - I submit on anything I'm right for on the online casting sites, get called in, it's crap, I get frustrated because I'm wasting my time, I get pickier about what I submit on, get called in less, BUT don't feel like I audition as well because I'm not auditioning as much. It's a vicious never-ending cycle.

I had my other audition on Thursday. It was for a web-series type thing that seemed cool and it would mean some exposure. I think it's an already somewhat established thing and they were adding more roles/regular cast members. I felt like it went pretty well, but then yesterday got the "thank you for auditioning but we won't be casting you" e-mail I dread so much. Why do I hate that? Why do I prefer not hearing and then just thinking, okay, I guess I didn't get it. I think it's because I just kind of forget about it if I don't hear anything, but if I hear a "no" then it's a definite thing. After 2 or 3 days I usually forget about it, but then to be reminded with a "we won't be casting you" e-mail reminds me. I'd rather just forget.

Basically I chalked both auditions up to experience, which is fine but I'm frustrated. I want to be going on BETTER auditions! This has become a big part of my frustration lately. I finally feel that I'm now at the level where I CAN be going out on better auditions, or auditions for LEGITIMATE television and film roles, but I'm not. Maybe this is the next step. Maybe I just never felt ready, but now I do. Maybe it's time to kick things into high gear. The thing is I'm not exactly sure what I should do at this point. It also doesn't help that I'm not SAG and I don't have an agent. Grrr. Do I start up the postcard mailing again? Do I do another agent search? I feel like I've done these things in the past with no results and don't know if I have the stamina to do it again. Do I tape some of my own stuff and put together a kick-ass demo reel and get it out there? Or do I say "fuck it" and put all my time and energy into doing what I've wanted to do for a long time and put my own web series together and get it out there?

I feel lost. So I sit and do nothing. Maybe I should try to do something productive tonight just to feel busy. Then when I don't get any results I get frustrated. And do nothing. See, it's a vicious, vicious circle...

Then you'll understand...and you'll know why...I have to go.

The other day I was looking at my old blog, the one I kept until the end of last year. I had another one I kept before that, but I think the last time I updated that one was in 2005 or 2006. After reading through some of my entries I realized something...that blog is so much better than this one! The posts were more entertaining, there were more backgrounds to choose from, I gave the posts clever little titles.

I miss my old blog.

I thought I wanted to blog here because this is where I started my photo blog. I thought I wanted to keep my acting stuff separate from other stuff (even though a lot of my posts were about acting in the other blog), I thought I wanted to keep in mind when I did this blog that others might read it while the other one was more for me (mostly as a way to track my progress or keep a record of what I've done). And there were cooler backgrounds at my other blog, lol. I also realized I don't like keeping a blog strictly about acting...I'd so much rather throw everything into one big blog!

I'm thinking of going back to my old blog. Or moving those posts over here. Or what I really should do and combine all three. The other thing I liked about the old blog is you could make the entries private, or only viewable by friends. I'm guessing there's some way to do that here, but I haven't figured it out yet. The only thing is, I was keeping that blog at a place where I don't think many people blog anymore. Is it outdated? Hmm. I'll have to think about it.

April was pretty much a bust. Other than class, I had two auditions, one CD workshop, and went to one thing at Actors Network. That's it. The good news is May is already shaping up to be a busy month. Next week alone I have 2 auditions, going to showcase-type thing, and meeting up with my buddy from Power Group. Later in the month I'm signed up for stuff at Actors Network (I actually signed up instead of just showing up!) and think I'm going to an agent night at the place where I do CD workshops - one of the agents is one that I've submitted to before and would like to get in front of.

Talking about all this blog stuff has now made me want to update my horribly neglected website too.

I guess I'll stay here for now. Or at least until I figure out what I want to do with these blogs!

Longest two weeks ever! Part 2

I have given up on trying to finish the massively long post. It's so far in the past now, I don't feel like writing about it. Part of it is it was such a horrible 2 weeks I don't feel like recalling it right now. I'm sure bits and pieces will make it into other posts, but for now I'll just do a rundown.

Went to the industry guest night at class. Performance went GREAT! But was told I came off as defeated when I was talking to the guest. WHAT!?! Ugh, that's not good.

Felt bad, but had to pull myself out of bed the next day for this audition/shoot that I wasn't 100% sure about what it was - an audition or a shoot? Turns out it was filming little scenarios for a documentary AND an audition to do a voice over for it. It only took a little over an hour or so, and the people were really, really nice. Since then I've gotten an e-mail saying they found a narrator but are considering some other voice over stuff too.

Had a much better class on Tuesday. I kicked ass in class that night!

Went to my last class that the industry guest was teaching on Saturday. Felt dumb because I came off as defeated when they came to my class, but it was a good class and a director who's been around awhile and done a lot of stuff was the guest speaker. I also found out there might be an advanced on-camera class with multiple cameras! Cool!

On Wednesday morning I got a notice about an audition for a student film on Saturday. 9:50am in Valencia. Ugh! That's like 1/2 hour away so that means leaving about an hour early to be safe - and I don't know the campus. Consider changing it but decide against it and confirm. They want a monologue...that fits the description of the character. What!?! Just give me sides please! I have a monologue that SEEMS like it fits the character and that's the one I'm using because I'd rather do a monologue I know really well and have it not be quite right than do one half-ass that I don't know.

That night I get an e-mail saying that someone I knew but hadn't seen in over a year died. Wow. I had no idea they were even sick. We used to belong to some of the same industry groups but I think they left both groups and I lost touch. We were friends as much as people are friends in groups like that so I felt bad that I kind of lost touch, but it happens, what can you do... I see there a memorial service...and it's at the same time as my audition. Jeez. I think about not going to the audition, but the film is a comedy and I think I'm really right for the role. I had confirmed through one of the casting websites and once you confirm, it won't let you go back in and change it. I antagonize. What should I do. Get an e-mail from the director re-confirming my audition and sending directions. I ask if I can change the time. Director says there isn't any other slots available. (Come on this is a student film, there will be no-shows!)


Talk to someone about it and they tell me to call them right away and the director is an ass if they won't change it. Ugh, please, I feel bad enough about this all, don't make me feel worse.

I e-mail back and explain my situation and he says I can come later in the day but may have to wait. I agree.

Go to the memorial service. Lots of people there I know. The cemetery was an interesting place - like right in the middle of the city. I drive by there all the time and didn't know it existed. Talked to an actor friend there and said I had an audition and almost didn't go and she said it was good I was going. Probably half the people there were actors and all going off to auditions, rehearsals, shows, etc. after this. I also ran into someone who I used to do shows with a long time ago. Had no idea they knew the person who died. Wow, what a small world.

Make it to the audition by around 11:30 or so. NO ONE is there! Jeeze. Thank the director for changing my time and they're sympathetic. Director asks if I have a monologue or sides. Oh man. I'm slightly pissed. There are SIDES! I SO would've rather done sides! Why are all these people auditioning for a SPECIFIC role asking for monologues? I say I have a monologue. I do it. They give me weird direction. Like pretend the person who I'm talking to isn't there but I'm talking to my sister. HELLO! The whole first part of the monologue is directed RIGHT AT the person who you want me to get rid of? Jeez. I really wish I had said "Oh, if there's sides I'd rather do the sides." I'm SO glad I didn't skip the memorial service for this.

So that pretty much gets me up to speed. The only other significant things I really did in April was go to a CD workshop which went REALLY well, and auditioned for a night of one act plays being put on by the theater company I belong to. There was only one role I was slightly right for, sigh. I with they had said what the plays were and put character descriptions in the casting notice instead of just saying come audition for this! If I had known there was only ONE thing I was SLIGHTLY right for I might not have wasted my time. Oh well. Oh, and I found out about a possible part-time job that I can definitely take if I want it, but have been procrastinating on making a decision.

The good news is things are picking up, so I'll be better about posting!