I'm Back!

Okay, so I've seriously neglected this blog. Looking at the last post I'm not even sure what most of it was about, although I do know exactly what the "major demon" that reared it's ugly head was. And I didn't conquer it. Couldn't fight it. Gave into it and it broke me down so much that it shaped a large portion of my year.

Is it possible to change so much but still stay the same? On the outside it all looks the same - still living in the same place, still at the same job, still no agent, no SAG card, haven't booked that one role that will change everything for me, ugh! But on the inside it's different. How do you explain that to people? About a month ago I went to a workshop that talked a lot about inner growth and outer growth. I've done the inner growth. Now I need some outer growth!

2010 was an odd year. I got blindsided by something...twice. Did not see it coming at all. Just when I could accept what happened...wham! Hit by something else and the situation changed again. Threw me for a loop and into a weird headspace. Spent most of the second half of the year just going through the motions, looking for answers and making desperate attempts to get closure and wishing things could go back to the way they were. Eventually I got some of the answers I needed. I don't know if I got closure, but I have accepted the situation for what it is and actually, it's not all that bad, in fact things possibly ended up a little better than I expected and I'm okay with it all...well, most of the time, lol.

The silver lining to this whole thing is that I'm a much better actor than I was before. During the chaos I really, really, really focused on my craft and I think it shows. I do think I've grown.

Anyway...on a more practical note. A quick update as to where am I now. Been in my not so new class for nine months now, wow. Recently went to a screening of a film I did for USC and now hoping and praying the director sends me a copy. Had two auditions this past week. Got new headshots...and everyone seems to love them...except for the one person who's opinion I probably value the most, ugh! So freakin' frustrating! Thinking of going to a CD workshop on Saturday. Planning on self-producing two projects and hopefully filming one during the holidays. Thinking of re-taking a class I took last year as a refresher now that I feel I've grown as an actor. I'm sure there's more.

I'll try to elaborate more in the next few posts, but I think I'll stop here for now.