We have to go back Kate! We have to go back!

Either you get the reference or you don't ;)

I wanted to elaborate on my recent class experience. For the past few months-possibly longer-I just hadn't been "feeling" it in class. Actually, I hadn't been "feeling" a lot of things. I think I mentioned this before but I spent most of 2008 just "going through the motions." Overall it was a VERY productive year but something wasn't "there."

After having a few conversations with various people I realized I really need to get back to where I was mentally about three years ago, possibly even longer. An old acting coach of mine told me something along the lines of "you're very confident - you don’t care if when you just make a choice you just go with it and don't care if it's the wrong choice" Somewhere in the past 3 I lost this. I don't know, maybe it was naivety - I didn't know any better so I just did what I thought I should do and stuck with it. Then I think I started getting into situations - new classes, CD workshops, better auditions - where I realized okay, maybe I'm not as good as I thought I was. Throw in the big burnout of 2008 and I was a mess. Now that naivety was gone I was very caught up in the right way to break down a script, do a scene, etc. I was so in my head about it all - I mean, I understood it all, but when it came to actually doing the scene it fell flat. I really felt like my acting had improved, but had just become flat, if that makes any sense. How could I make myself stand out from the others? I did have a few conversations with my current acting teacher about what I needed to work on, and I totally understood what they were talking about but had a hard time putting it into action. I was really at the point where I was like "maybe this class isn't working for me and it's time to move on," and "Is this is? Is this the best I can be?" It was very frustrating and I was PRAYING that I'd have some sort of breakthrough, but I honestly thought, how? I really started to believe the breakthrough was never gonna come.

I needed to get back to that place I was three years ago.

Well, last week it happened...I had some sort of breakthough...FINALLY! I did my scene, got a little direction that was kind of from left field, and just ran with it. Was it perfect? No, but I had committed to the scene 110% and that even carried though to the other scenes we did that night.

It was like a switch was flipped on in my mind - oh my god, THIS is what I need to be doing! Or more important, this is what it FEELS like! And since then I've felt 100% better about things - not just class, but everything in general. I really, really feel like my old self. I don't know why or how this happened, but I don't WANT to know - I just want it to continue!

I also realized I had not been committing 100% when I was in a scene. Wow. This is kind of a hard thing for me to accept because I always thought I DID commit to scenes 100%. But if what I did last week is 100%, then I haven't been there in the past. It's almost a horrifying thought.

So, mentally I'm back where I was three years ago...but better! I'm just hoping it continues! Now that I've done this once I want it to continue! I'm actually excited about class this week but feel pressure to do well and hope it wasn't just a fluke...I'm not even going to think about it.

So now that things are back on the upswing I decided to stay in my current class. Then today I get an e-mail about an interesting opportunity. Someone who is a bona-fide working professional in the industry is teaching a 2 month class. And I don't think they teach it that often. I tried to take it once in the past but it didn't work out. This class is somewhat unique the way it's done - I think it focuses more on what happens AFTER you book a job and it run like you're on set. Every other single class I've taken is more about the audition, or cold reading, or scene study, etc. So, do I take it this time? I think I can swing it financially IF I take a leave of absence from my other class...but I want to take BOTH classes! Ugh! And this class would be a networking opportunity. BUT this person already knows my work. But I KNOW I would learn a lot from this class. I need to send a deposit but don’t need to pay the rest until it starts, which is about three weeks away. I could use the money I've started putting aside for my vacation next fall...hmm. I need to think about it for awhile, but need to give them an answer today because space is limited...

Okay, I'm meeting my new power buddy later this afternoon so I'm going to go think about this class and get ready for that.

I feel really good. Better than I've felt in a long time. It's almost scary...

A quick wrap up of this week

This past week went by FAST.

I was starting to feel that "beginning of a new year" busy-ness, determination, focus, and energy starting wear off. It seems like I go through this every year - the first week or two back is busy, busy, then it tapers off and I lose focus. But I feel motivated again.

I'm really trying to keep up with this blog, so here's the rundown of this past week:

I decided not to go to the audition on Monday. It's not like I had an appointment and blew it off - if I wanted to audition I could just show up within the time frame, so no harm done. I would like to say there was some good reason why I didn't go, but there wasn't. I just didn't feel like going. From what I understood it was a semi-open call - some people had appointments and some didn't but would be allowed to audition whenever they wanted during the time frame and just had to show up. I was one of those and just didn't feel like dealing with a crowd of people, not having the sides ahead of time, then having to go straight to class from there. I also wasn't 100% sure I wanted to do this show - it sounded interesting, but the big thing was I didn't know the rehearsal schedule and usually I get it ahead of time. I'd just be wasting my time and everyone else's time going to audition for a show I wasn't even sure I could do. Then again, I should just go audition, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted to sit down, eat a decent dinner and go have a kick-ass class.

Then, not too long after I decided not to go, I got an e-mail saying that I got the internship at the casting office I applied for! I was supposed to start this week but it's been pushed back a week. I'm slowly getting the details about the gig and although it's not exactly what I thought it would be, it will still be a great experience. And I've never interned at a casting office before, so then again, how would I know what to expect.

I did have a kick-ass class this week. It's been awhile since I've had one of those. I mean, every class is great, but this one was exceptionally great. I think I may have had a long, long, long overdue breakthrough.

This week I also talked to an actor friend I sort of lost touch with. We had been working on a scene and some other stuff last fall and it kind of fell by the wayside. We had an
1 1/2 hour conversation about a million things and I think we may be back on track with our scene and a few other things.

I also updated my master contact list. It was pretty much up to date except for a few things so it didn't take long to update. I've also continued my massive cleaning/organizing kick I've been. Since I've been back from Christmas I've been getting rid of stuff I just don’t need anymore and organizing the stuff I have. I've been doing it one cabinet/closet/etc. at a time so I don't feel overwhelmed by it all. In fact it feels GREAT! So freeing! I think I might have mentioned this before but I also got a new hard drive for my computer - 500GB! This gave me plenty of room to add a bunch of software updates and now my computer is running better than ever. Final Cut was acting up and Live Type kept crashing and now it works better than ever! My next thing is to clean out old programs/files/etc. I don't need and wipe out the old hard drive.

I guess that's it for now. I'll expand on some of this stuff at another time. Tomorrow's a busy day - I have to go meet with my new power group buddy and go to class. Okay, maybe not THAT busy, but still busy.

Let's Get Creative!

I flew back from my Christmas vacation on New Year's day - the flight was cheaper that day and it also gave me three days before I had to go back to my survival job. I love when New Year's day falls on day where there's a long weekend between when I come back to Los Angeles and when things "officially" start up again. It gives me time to unpack, readjust, and gear up for the first week of the new year. It's like being in limbo - I'm back in LA, but things aren't up and running yet. But that doesn't mean I slacked off - I actually set up a job interview, did submissions, etc. that weekend.

Anyway, I got a little off track. At Logan (Boston) Northwest Airlines is in the international terminal. I think it's in the basement of the international terminal, lol. After I checked in I had to go downstairs to go to my gate and through security. Then there was NOTHING down there besides the gates. There was one sandwich/coffee place and one magazine/snack place. Because my flight was around 1:30pm I planned to eat at the airport but it looked like my own option was the sandwich place. I looked at a map near the gate and it looked like there were more food options upstairs where the international gates are. So I went upstairs to see what there was. The place was EMPTY!


Someone once told me that all the international flights take off either in the morning or at night, so that could be why the place was empty around noon. There were a few more food options but I really wanted coffee so got some Starbucks and wandered. I did see this vending machine:


Would you like an ipod with your chips? After I wandered I sat and watched a few planes take off then went back and sat and watched what was on the TV in the terminal. I think it was Good Morning America, or Today, or some news special that they were showing on New Year's Day. They were interviewing a group of high school seniors about how the crappy economy has affected their college plans - most of them had worked all through school to get into a good college. Some changed their plans and were now looking at less expensive schools instead of their first choices, some didn't, one girl said she'd planned to go to an ivy league shoool her entire life and was still going to do that. But they all agreed on one thing - they had to get a little creative finding the money to go to college. I can't remember exactly what they said, but along the lines of looking for lesser-known scholarships and that sort of thing. I think one of them talked about writing a bunch of essays that could win her money, etc.

Something about that hit me and it was a really great point. We ALL need to get a little creative these days. Think outside of the box. Come up with new ideas. Look a little harder for opportunities we wouldn't have thought of before. I don't just mean with acting stuff either (I've kind of been doing that for awhile now). With everything whether that means career stuff, money, stuff at home, even hanging out with friends!

I used to have a neighbor who quit her day job a few years ago and started teaching some sort of classes. She may have eventually started her own business but I don't remember. She told me that the days of doing something more traditional (like get a job, get promoted, have a 401K, retire, etc.) were over. And this was 4 or 5 years ago. It's like she "got" it. Is there even a "traditional" path anymore - I mean people who did that sort of thing are now losing their jobs and are screwed. That is the ONE thing I am thankful for - I've never been one to follow a traditional path so I haven't really lost anything.

That one little thing I saw on that TV really changed the way I looked at stuff when I got back to LA. For me right now the two big things I really need to apply that to is my acting career and money. It's always money, isn't it, lol. I've started to think of some ways to create more money for myself without neglecting my acting. I have a few ideas. I've also accepted the fact that unless something great comes along, I'm not going to be able just up and quit my survival job - which I came very close to doing last year. The goal is to "transition" out of it. Find other ways to make money while I'm still working at this job, and hopefully one or two of those will eventually make me enough cash that I won't need the survival job anymore. I'm practically part time at my job now anyway - technically it's full time, but I consider it part-time, so even if I got another part time job that eventually became my main gig I'd be happy. Of course I'd like to be making money acting! And I still do want OUT of my current survival job!

So let's all go get creative!

I hate the 110

So I went to my audition at USC the other night. What an ordeal! Getting there and back - the audition itself was pretty simple.

I gave myself an hour and 15 minutes to get there. Took the 134 to the 5 to the 110. Traffic was horrible. There's just no easy way to the 110 in bad traffic. There's several exits and streets you can take to USC. I THOUGHT I was taking the best one but it turned out to be the worst! I went a certain way because I wanted to park on the same side of the street as the campus because I know there's parking there and so I don't have to cross a massively busy street. So I take the route that will get me driving down that side of the street. A little longer that way but I didn't want to have to make a U-turn or find somewhere to cross the street. That was a HUGE mistake. There was massive traffic on the street I needed to turn up so I go down one more street and backtrack. Well, when I get to the intersection there's police cars everywhere and one is blocking the street I need to go down. So I turn onto the street where the big traffic jam was and I see that street is blocked off in the opposite direction which is why there was so much traffic. There was plenty of parking on that street and I'm probalby not going to be able to park any closer and now it's almost my audition time so I decide to park and walk - I wasn't far from the campus, just across the street, but not near the section of campus I needed to be. Cops are walking around, one even has a dog, and there's a helicopter flying around. I don't even know if they'll let me on the campus. Or if I should be walking around by myself with all this going on. But there's tons of people who look like students walking around and there's cops everywhere, so it must be somewhat safe. And I have no way to get in touch with the people auditioning because it was all set up online through Actors Access so I can't even call and say I'll be late. As I'm walking down the street I see the cops with some dude in handcuffs. Don't know if it has anything to do with what's going on. I head over to the campus and the cops tell me I can't walk down that side of the street so I have to cross the street - now I'm walking down the side of the street I was trying to avoid parking on! And there's traffic going that way so I should've just taken the shorter route and driven down the street that way. I find a place to cross the street and there's plenty of parking on the campus side of the street and now cars are driving down that side of the street. Ugh! I had almost driven through the campus from the other side but was scared I'd get lost and if I had done that I would've gotten great parking. Oh well. As I get onto campus I'm thinking, man, I'm late. That's so bad. Then I'm like, okay, it's a student film, and I'm sure with all the police activity going on other people were late too, and there was nothing I could do. I find my audition - it's in a new building and I was trying to find it and all of a sudden I look up and I'm there - this HUGE buiding with arches and courtyards and fountains. It looked deserted but I tried a door and it was open and there was a board in the lobby that listed where all the auditions were. I had the room number but still felt better it was listed on the board. I found the room somewhat easilly and filled out some sort of info sheet. Then some dude comes out and asks if I'm there to audition and I explain why I'm late. The guy doesn't mind, asks if I know what's going on, they could hear the helicopter flying around, and says he's been hearing bits and pieces from other people who auditioned.

The audition went fine - the diretor explained a few logistics to me, had me do it, gave me some direction, had me do it again, then had me do one more thing in another part of the script. Then they went over the schedule with me and that was it. All that for a 5-10 minute audition. But that's how it usually goes. One minor amusing thing happened - there's one part in the script where my character blows a whistle. I happen to have a whistle on my keychain and before I did the 2nd read I said I happened to have a whistle and I could use it if they wanted. So they told me to use it and I did. Okay, I have never used this whistle full-blast and it is LOUD! It's the horribly shrill whistle. MY ears hurt after using it. I can't even imagine what it will sound like on the tape! Oh well.

I wanted to leave a stack of postcards at USC - I was going to write something like "please consider me for your next project" on the back of them - but something more clever. But it didn't look like there was anywhere for me to leave them in the new building. So I go next door to the old building where I know a lot of film stuff goes on. There's a bunch of boxes in the lobby but I see the little place where I was planning on leaving the postcards - there's a bulletin board and a shelf. I try to open a door and it's locked. Oh well. All of sudden this guy who was doing something with a trash bin in an alley starts telling me how it's a ghost building and nothting's in there anymore and it's all moved over to the new building. I thank him and leave. I could go ove to the new building again, but it was somewhat empty and I didn't see anywhere to leave my postcards. Oh well.

So that was it. Then I sat in traffic for an hour going home. My plan was to go to work after the audition and I had put a salad in my car to eat at work. I was starving so ate it while I was sitting in traffic on the 110. By the time I got back to the valley it was almost 8:30 and I was exhausted and still hungry and decided I could get more done at work if I just went in the next day so I went to Ralph's, bought some food, and went home. I kind of knew I wasn't going to make it to work after the audition so it wasn't a big deal. It's times like this I remind myself why I stay at this job - because I can make my own schedule pretty much as long as I get everything done by certain deadlines.

I got my new hard drive up and working this weekend! It was much easier than I thought - when I installed the operating system on the new drive it gave me the option to move all my settings, applications, documents, etc. from the old drive to the new drive so I checked everything and said yes. Took a little while to copy it all over and do but it was easy - just press yes and it's done! My new hard drive is now the main drive and I'm slowly deleting things from the other hard drive and will eventually just wipe it out and use it for extra storage. Everything is backed up anyway in case I delete something I shouldn't.

I'm trying to decide whether to audition for that play tomorrow. I never did find out the rehearsal schedule which could be a problem. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

I'm also supposed to find out about the internship sometime in the next few days. Now I'm a little worried about scheduling. I managed to arrange some things at work so that the only time I ABSOLUTELY have to be there is for about a 3 1/2 to 4 hour time span on Tuesday mornings. The rest of the time I can make my own schedule. Now someone is making it difficult for me and it may interfere with the internship...

Still busy!

Tonight I have an audition for a grad film at USC. I've been to USC to audition many, many, many times - auditions, cast in 2 student films there, a screening of one of the films. I know how to get there, know my way around - or at least I know my way around the "entertainment" part of the campus, USC is HUGE - know the parking situation, know how much time to give myself. So that's good. The bad part...the audition is at 7pm which means rush hour traffic on the 110. Ugh! I hate the 101/110 interchange (is that what it's called?) downtown...possibly more than the 405/101 interchange which I think was once voted the worst interchange in the U.S. I don't drive the 110 all that much and the interchange scares me - you have to get over a certain amount of lanes or you end up in an exit lane for downtown - although I did finally learn that you can stay in one of the exit lanes and it takes you off the freeway for a moment then you get right back on. It's also tricky going the reverse too - there's some lane for the 101 that comes up quick and you have to get into it. I think you may actually have to get in another one of those lanes that takes you off the freeway for a moment or it's close to impossible to get into the 101 lane. Plus there's ALWAYS tons of traffic. I've started taking the 134/5/110 combo - a little longer distance wise and sometimes just as much traffic, but don't have to deal with that interchange - you get on the 110 before you hit downtown so you can get over into the left lane and not have to deal with the merge. Still, going to USC for 7pm on Friday night traffic, ugh. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've had an audition there on a Friday night - must be the night they can book the audition space or don't have class.

So all this for a 2 line part with a little more screen time. But, I read the script and think it's really clever and it's a grad film so I think it will be a higher quality. The last time I auditioned for a grad film there the director was telling me how they got a grant or something and/or got all this high-end film equipment they could use. Sweet. I can already tell by the writing in this one it's up a level from an undergrad film. Actually, it seems very ambitious what they're trying to do. But the writing is good and the script tells a story from start to finish and there's some character development which is more than I can say for a lot of the stuff I've auditioned for. So I'm going to brave the traffic and go.

I think I'll also bring some extra headshots - I've head of people leaving headshots there for other filmmakers but I've never seen a drop box or anything. I've heard of people just leaving them at bulletin board areas, but I don't know if I want to randomly leave my stuff there. I think I'll take some postcards and maybe leave a stack near the bulletin board if I don't see a drop box - postcards are way cheaper than headshots and don't care as much if they just get thrown out. Actually, I just had an idea. I'll let you know if I actually do it.

On the other hand, do I really want to leave my stuff there? I'm trying so hard to get away from auditioning for student stuff, no budget stuff, work for free stuff. I've tried this before and it's a double edged sword - I used to submit on everything I was right for but go tired of wasting my time going on auditions for crappy projects with people who don't know what they're doing but just want to make a film. So I stopped submitting on crap projects and I was getting called in for a little better stuf, but I was going on less auditions and I feel like my auditioning skills suffered and I got frustrated because I had nothing going on. So I started submitting on more stuff again. That meant going to more auditions but most of them were projects I wouldn't want to do so I got frustrated because I felt like I'd wasted my time. See? I've also heard that if you want to audition for the better projects you need to stop submitting on everything. What a viscious circle!

Yesterday I went to go see about doing an internship. I thought it went well. Not 100% sure if it's something I want to do or not. It wasn't 100% exactly what I thought it was, but it seemed like there were some awesome benefits including getting to see some stuff first hand. We shall see.

Wednesday I went to power group which meant I had to get all my goals and stuff together. That was a little rough this month but I'm glad I sat down and put it all on paper. Also some of the stuff dealt with "type" and "branding yourself" which I struggle with terribly but had a minor epiphany before I went, got some good ideas what to do with that, and now think I'm starting to figure it out a little more. It all comes down to I'm horrible at judging myself and really need to pay attention to what type of roles I'm being called in for and what other people are saying about me. I do feel a little better about the whole thing.

Yesterday was very exciting - my new hard drive came! I had only ordered it Wednesday so I was excited it came in one day. 500GB! Now I don't have to worry about using up too much space on the computer, moving stuff over to the external hard drive, etc. This means can get my demo reel together without worrying about not having enough room for the clips. I'm also hoping this will extend the life of my computer a few years, even though I despearately want a laptop! After some conufusion how to install it, I found a video online how to install a 2nd hard drive, watched it, installed it, formatted it and it's ready to go. Now is the hard part - making that drive my startup drive and move everything over there without losing anything. Scary!

Okay, I need to go do laundtry, go so some sort of exercise whether it be a walk or the gym (gym is better, but a walk is less time) and leave myself at least an hour to get to this audition.

It's only Tuesday!

Well, well, well, things are really moving along and 2009 is already turning into a productive year. It's great, but in the back of my mind I know this is going to end. EVERY year starts out strong, then it gets slow, they I can't stay motivated because things are slow. This year I'm determined not to let it get to me...

It's only Tuesday and already this week is busy! Today I heard back from the casting office where I inquired about an internship. They're meeting with people on Thursday so I need to set that up. I also submitted on three gigs on Actors Access - I think that's a new one-day record. Yesterday I got an e-mail about the free voice over seminar I signed up for.

I also got a call from the director of a film I was supposed to do last year but it never happened. I did a student film for UCLA last year and had given my business card to someone who worked on it. She passed it along to a friend who was making a film and he cast me in one of the roles. Well, the guy kept giving me the shoot date, then canceling and kept telling me his lead actor couldn't film that day. This happened about two or three times and I was ready to tell the dude that I couldn't keep blocking out a day only to have the shoot be canceled. Also, the script was terrible! I had absolutely no clue what was going on. Well, the dude called me one day and said that the producer wanted to cut the scene I was in. I was sooo relieved! I didn't have to drop out after all! It's funny how these things work themselves out. He then asked me if the producer changed his mind should he call me? I'm like, look, I'm gonna have to say no because I'm busier now than I was when I thought we were going to film, and I can't keep blocking out days, taking time off from work, etc. He understood and asked if I'd be interested in doing some voice over stuff for the film. It would be on my schedule and it would just be me recording so I wouldn't have to deal with other actors schedules. Okay, I can deal with that, and it might be something I could put on a VO reel, so I agreed. That was last fall and I never heard anything but yesterday the guy left me a message asking me if I still want to do some VO work. I called him back today and left a message saying I could do it and asking when it would record. He calls me back tonight and says most likely in 3 or 4 weeks and he'd call me closer to the date. What?!? Here we go again. I thought this would be taking place sooner. I don't think this guy is ever gonna finish this film. Then he tells me how he had to re-write the entire film becuase his actors kept cancelling and he kept losing his locations. Maybe if you stuck to a set schedule the actors wouldn't quit - or if one actor keeps canceling, fire them! Although, I think the actor who kept canceling is also the film's producer, so that's not a possibility. He tells me now he's using narration through the whole film and he'll be filming me, and it will be a combination of on camera and voice over and I'll be telling the story to another actor. What!?! This is NOT what I signed on for. I thought this was going to be a voice over thing that would work around my schedule. Now it sounds like I'm a major character in this film. Ordinarilly I'd be thrilled, but considering all the problems this film has had I'm not so happy. I'm also not exactly sure how this narration/story fits into the whole film. He's supposed to be getting me a script this week so we'll see. This time if it doesn't film the first day we agree on, I'm backing out. I can't go through this again.

I'm also thinking about auditioning for a play next week. It's actually a series of one act comedies that seemed interesting. I don't know the rehearsal schedule which makes it tricky, but I'm hoping I get that info before the audition. If not I may still go and if I get cast and the schedule doesn't work for me I'll turn it down.

Oh yeah, I also had class last night. Not my best class, but not my worst - a little rusty from the Christmas hiatus.

Tomorrow I have Power Group. I need to go through my calendar and see what I did the past month, which actually started before I went out of town for Christmas. I also need to set my goals for this month and do the monthly goal because we have to say it out loud this month.

Whew...I guess it's a good thing I didn't get the job I interviewed for last week because I'm BUSY!!!!

It's another week

I can't believe it's already after 4 o'clock and I've barely done anything today. I did make it to the gym and did a few things around my apartment. I'm trying to not procrastinate and stay on top of everyday things like not letting the dishes pile up in the sink, putting things away after I use them and not letting my apartment get messy to the point that it takes all week to clean it, etc. It's hard and sometimes the most mundane things feel like a huge ordeal, but I do feel a little less overwhelmed and the atmosphere in my apartment seems more pleasant without stuff piling up everywhere. I think I need to follow my own advice and do this for my career too because I have a bad, bad tendency to procrastinate.

Right now I'm drinking this really, really, REALLY good coffee I got at Trader Joe's yesterday! It's so good I can even drink it with very little or no flavored Coffee Mate in it which I usually can't do. I highly recommend D'Aquino Caffe Espresso - you don't even need an espresso machine to make it. There's instructions how to make it in a regular coffee maker and I tried it and it tastes great!

I have class tonight - my first real class of the year. Last week was the first official class but I didn't go to my usual class and we did the whole goal setting thing so it wasn't structured like a usual class.

Last week I had a somewhat busy week. Monday was my first day back to my survival job, which was rough, especially since I usually don't work on Mondays but since I had been gone for two weeks I "made an appearance." Then later in the day I went to go see about a new survival job. I'm trying to "transition out" of my current job. The goal is to find a part-time job while keeping my other job (which has essentially become a part-time job) pay off some bills, and when I'm in a better position try to keep only the new part-time job and maybe do more work for them, or find another part-time job on top of that. This job I went to go see about was EXACTLY what I was looking for - it's part time to begin with, I could keep my other job for the time being, I can pick and choose which shifts I want to work, and there was the chance for other opportunities down the road. And it paid a decent amount of money - wouldn't make me rich, but I wouldn't have to stress over buying a $10 t-shirt at Target! Unfortunately I didn't get the job, but it's okay. It seemed a little too perfect and I wonder if there was something they weren't telling me at the interview. Oh well.

Tuesday I put together an audition tape for an audition notice I saw on one of the several casting sites I visit. I was kind of proud of myself, - taped it, put it in my computer, made the file small enough to e-mail, and e-mailed it without a problem. Haven't heard anything back yet.

I also went to class last week, did some online submissions, tried to research a few things on IMDB pro, and signed up for a free seminar at the end of January. I also found out about an internship opportunity that seemed perfect for me, didn't procrastinate (much) and e-mailed the person about it last night.

This week is already looking busy too...I just hope this continues.

Okay, it's after 4:30 so I need to start cooking something for dinner and get ready for class.

Goodbye 2008...Hello 2009!

So...going back and reading over my last entry I realized it wasn't exactly complete. My accomplishments for 2008 made it look like a very productive year, but for a large chunk of 2008 I felt exhaused, burnt- out, and had a serious lack of motivation. Everything looks good on paper but I felt like I spent most of the year just going through the motions, which isn't a good feeling.

In 2007, and even in 2006 I busted my ass doing the business side of things - always going to things at The Actors Network, hauling my ass across town to go to a networking group I used to belong to, sending out postcards, thank you notes, etc...with very little results. By the time 2008 rolled around I was so burnt out and frustrated I really felt like for the time being I just needed to act. So I did. I was in a play, I did a really cool student project that I made some connections on, I took a class I'd been putting off forever. Ignored most of the business side of things because I felt like I was getting the same results without trying. Then summer came and went, things slowed down a little, and throw in some major problems at my day job that really affected me, and I pretty much lost my motivation. I felt frustrated about every little thing. Then things got busy again but a lot of the time I felt like I was just going through the motions. Luckilly things really picked up at the end of the year, I found my motivation again, ended 2008 with a bang, and now I feel revved up and ready to go!

On one hand I think, wow, in 2008 I barely did any business-related stuff and had one of my most productive years! I had some HUGE successes! Why bother with all that business-related stuff? I had the same results as years that I did do all that stuff! But then I think, what if I had kept on top of that stuff - would I have had an even more productive year? Or would I have done all that work and still have the same results? Impossible to tell.

The good news is I'm very motivated for 2009. I feel like last year was such a crash and burn and now I'm rebuilding things. I still haven't finished my goals for 2009, but from what I'm hearing that seems to be a common thing. I'm ready to put in 110%! But then I think, how long will that last? Will I end up burnt out again because I'm putting in so much effort with no results? I'm trying not to think about it and for now I'm still ready to go! Or maybe I wasn't putting in 110% before. My first step is to revamp my plan because obviously what I was doing before wasn't working.

I'm also not letting things get to me this year the way they did last year - if there's a slow period, so what. If I have a bad class one night, so what. Problems at my day job, so what. Already 2009 has had some disappointments but I'm not letting them affect me. I honestly honestly feel a lot better about things than I did last year so I hope it continues!

So that's where I am. Man, I've been rambling on in these entries, so I'm gonna shut up now.

Those pesky goals

Last night in class we did this goal-setting thing. Every so often we do something related to the business-side of acting and last night was one of those nights. At least last night went much better than the past two times we've done something similar. The first time I had a nerotic episode follwed by a minor mental breakdown. The second time I attempted to avoid the whole topic by saying my survival job was sucking the life out of me. So when I found out that we were doing that I was dreading it.

I have problems with the whole goal setting thing. Not even gonna get into it here, but it has a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed by lists of things and feeling like I should be a lot further along in my career than I am. Although about a month ago I did get a completely new perspective on goal setting which made me a little less afraid of it.

But instead of trying to avoid the whole thing last night by saying some generic crap like to book more, I decided if I didn't say what my goals really were it wasn't going to be of any help to me. We could pick one goal to talk more about. I had a hard time narrowing it down - there's so many - get an agent, book a co-star, get my SAG card, etc. etc. etc. But I decided I needed to say something that I had more control over, a smaller goal that I could actually accomplish so I decided to go with getting my demo reel together, something I've been putting off and putting off and is loooong overdue. Also, by the time I read my goals out the other big one - getting an agent - had been discussed.

As we're going along and people are listing their goals (and a lot of them were really, really good - stuff I'd like to work on too) that moment of self doubt came over me and was like, uh, these people are so much further along than me, I feel so stupid. I mean, when people in the room are saying how their goal is to move up from co-star to guest star roles, or how to control their nerves because they just booked a re-curring role, and I can't even get called in for a one or two liner (although I did get some new insight on that too) it's so hard to sit there and not judge yourself. I'd like to say I didn't do that, but I did, but got past it and read my goals and said "screw it, who cares where other people are in their careers, I need help with this right now," and decided I wanted to talk more about the demo reel.

And I was glad I did. I got some great ideas and some insight about what should and shouldn't be on it, and why I was procrastinating about getting it done, and basically came to the conclusion "just put the damn thing together!" Yes, I still have more questions, but got some major ones answered and just need to do it and get opinions on it.

I felt really really good after the whole thing was over.

So, in keeping with the whole, New Year, New Blog, Goal Setting theme I'm posting my "2008 Year In Review" and will post my 2009 goals in the next few days because I'm still trying to figure them out. One year I did an extensive year end wrap-up - there were graphs, charts, flowsheets, all cross-checked against goals set at the beginning of the year, deep analysis into why I didn't accomplish certain goals. etc. etc. etc. But I decided that was just a little too much for me and since I didn't really set any goals for 2008 just going through my calendar and listing them will do for now.

So here are my accomplishments for 2008:

4 Plays - 2 of them were one-day things so the comittment was minimal and the other one was 2 runs of the same play which I really really wanted to do

18 Auditions

9 Bookings - 3 were off my pic alone and 1 was someone I had worked with before recommended me to a friend who was directing something

3 of those bookings never happened - one I was actually happy about because it was WAY too unorganized, one was a MAJOR thing that I was horribly disappointed about, and one was a VO gig that might have been ongoing (supposedly this one is just on hold and will happen but I'm starting to think it's a no) And on top of that all three of them were paying gigs, ugh...

I stayed in class the entire year - took 4 different classes over the course of the year including a commercial workshop which I had been putting off forever

Joined a theater company and attended 1 workshop and 1 play reading

Started doing CD workshops and attended 7 workshops

Met with a potential scene partner to shoot our own material for our demo reels but that didn't work out

Found a new scene partner and re-wrote an old scene I had to potentially film it

Attended 2 topicals and 2 industry guests at The Actors Network (sad, sad, sad...I should be going to WAY more of these!)

Met 4 new industry people who came to my acting class and did a workshop

Went to an all-day networking event

Volunteered for a program that teaches filmmaking to high school students

And, what I consider my BIGGEST accomplishment for the year:
Met 3 working directors who now know me AND have seen my work!

Whew, so there it is, not bad for someone who admits they didn't really try and just let stuff happen in 2008.

The good news is I'm revved up and ready to go in 2009! Bring it on!

Hello...again!

This is my third time attempting to keep a blog. Actually, my 4th if you count the photo blog, but that one I've managed to keep current.

My 1st one was an acting-related blog mostly to keep track of my progress. My 2nd one was more personal stuff and for friends to read and comment, etc. I tried to keep both going, but it was too much trouble to updating both and a lot of times I ended up posting acting-related stuff on the personal one. Eventually I stopped updating the 1st one and just started posting everything on the 2nd blog. I tried to keep it going but went for long stretches of time without updating it, then would start to post about stuff that had happened but would be like "what's the point? that happened months ago."

So I'm trying again in 2009. This is mostly going to be an acting-related blog so I can keep track of stuff, but I'm sure that other stuff will work it's way in - I've already learned it's too much trouble to keep it separate. I'm still keeping the photo blog separate but I'm sure some pictures will show up here. I'm also considering moving some posts over from my old blogs, but not 100% sure on that yet - I kind of like the fresh start idea.

I have to get ready for acting class now, my first class of 2009! But I'm hoping to post again either when I get home tonight or tomorrow!

It's good to be back! Let's see how long it will last!