Quandry!

Late last night while I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep I had a minor anxiety attack about starting my new class. Oh my god, I'm not good enough for this class, what if I suck, etc. etc. etc. Luckily the feeling was gone this morning. It was probably just my mind wandering while I was half asleep. I actually feel really good about the class.

I am a little anxious about being a "newbie" in the class. Will it be like going from being one of the better ones in the class I'm in now, to one of the worst in the class? I really don't know. I don't know who's in the class or how long they've been in there, or how many new people there will be. I'm hoping because it's restructured I won't be the only new one. Maybe I should've asked what exactly was going to go on in this class - I mean, I get the basic structure but is it similar to my class now? Is it more challenging material? The whole thing came as a shock to me so my mind wasn't working right and now I have questions. Not that it will change my mind about wanting to do the class, but I'm just curious. And at this point I've put down a big deposit so there's no chickening out.

Okay, I need to stop thinking about this because it's making me nervous and I don’t want to go into the class all tentative. That's the worst thing I could do.

I do have a minor dilemma. Every so often we have industry guests come to class and they get to see us work. I'm hoping they do this in the master class too - I don't see why they wouldn't. I was hoping I'd get one more of these before I leave my current class. Well, last week I found out a guest is coming...the week I start my new class. Damn! Normally I'd just say, "oh well, what can you do, it's a good, good reason I won't be there" but here's the thing - the week before the guests come we spend a class preparing for it - really breaking down the scripts, doing the scene once, and getting adjustments to work on during the week. So that means my last class will be preparing for something I'm won't even be at? Isn't that just a waste of time? I mean, it's never a waste of time doing any type of thing in class and it's more practice breaking down scripts, but it just feels odd ending the class on that.

And here's the other thing...the industry person just happens to be the same person who teaches the other sitcom class I'm taking. Damn! Okay, I know this person knows my work - they came to my class a year ago, I've heard them speak several times at Actor's Network, I volunteered for a student filmmaker's program they taught and got to act in the student exercises, and they've seen me in the other class I'm taking. So on one hand, they know my work, so it's not a big deal. But, on the other hand, I'd kind of like them to see what I can do with a prepared scene that I've worked on all week instead of a script I've had 10 minutes to look over in class to do an exercise. It's almost like it's the missing piece of the puzzle.

So what do I do? I know what I'd LIKE to happen. I'd like them to let me skip a class, and then that week go to class twice - once in the new class and one more time to the old class. I don't think that's gonna happen. They might let me pay for one more class to go to that class. I don't know if I really want to do that. Is is worth it? I have a feeling the original schedule will just be kept and I won't be going to the class at all, which I'm totally fine with. In a way I feel like I shouldn't even be allowed to go to the industry guest class. I mean, I'm officially out of that class by the time the guest comes. But something just doesn't feel right about going to the prep class for something I won't be at. Ah, I just figured out what it is - why take away from other people's prep time for something I won't be going to? Why waste the teacher's time for something I won't be going to when they can spend more time with someone else?

I guess the best thing to do is talk to my teacher about it and see what to do. I think I need to talk to them this week because I only have two more classes after than and one is the prep class, so if my some miracle they let me skip a class it would have to be next week. Hmm, or maybe I should play dumb and not bring it up until the last class?

Okay, I've obsessed over this way too much. Ugh. I'll just feel it out and see what to do at my next class.

I have to go to bed now, I have my sitcom class tomorrow morning.