I'm Back!

Okay, so I've seriously neglected this blog. Looking at the last post I'm not even sure what most of it was about, although I do know exactly what the "major demon" that reared it's ugly head was. And I didn't conquer it. Couldn't fight it. Gave into it and it broke me down so much that it shaped a large portion of my year.

Is it possible to change so much but still stay the same? On the outside it all looks the same - still living in the same place, still at the same job, still no agent, no SAG card, haven't booked that one role that will change everything for me, ugh! But on the inside it's different. How do you explain that to people? About a month ago I went to a workshop that talked a lot about inner growth and outer growth. I've done the inner growth. Now I need some outer growth!

2010 was an odd year. I got blindsided by something...twice. Did not see it coming at all. Just when I could accept what happened...wham! Hit by something else and the situation changed again. Threw me for a loop and into a weird headspace. Spent most of the second half of the year just going through the motions, looking for answers and making desperate attempts to get closure and wishing things could go back to the way they were. Eventually I got some of the answers I needed. I don't know if I got closure, but I have accepted the situation for what it is and actually, it's not all that bad, in fact things possibly ended up a little better than I expected and I'm okay with it all...well, most of the time, lol.

The silver lining to this whole thing is that I'm a much better actor than I was before. During the chaos I really, really, really focused on my craft and I think it shows. I do think I've grown.

Anyway...on a more practical note. A quick update as to where am I now. Been in my not so new class for nine months now, wow. Recently went to a screening of a film I did for USC and now hoping and praying the director sends me a copy. Had two auditions this past week. Got new headshots...and everyone seems to love them...except for the one person who's opinion I probably value the most, ugh! So freakin' frustrating! Thinking of going to a CD workshop on Saturday. Planning on self-producing two projects and hopefully filming one during the holidays. Thinking of re-taking a class I took last year as a refresher now that I feel I've grown as an actor. I'm sure there's more.

I'll try to elaborate more in the next few posts, but I think I'll stop here for now.

Spring Cleaning

In the past couple months I've made a change, faced 2 fears head on, battled a few inner demons (including a major one that unexpectedly reared it's ugly head) and hopefully won (or at least now know how to make them take a good long nap when I need them to), been put through the wringer (ringer?), and came to some huge realizations.

The thing is I now feel better than ever. Like I cleaned out a bunch of "junk." All this stuff was probably a good thing!

At the moment I'm still kind of in the middle of it all and dealing with the aftermath, so it's all too new and fresh in my mind to elaborate. Someday...someday....

Up for the challenge!

Not too long after I made my decision about where to take class I found yet ANOTHER class I want to take. THIS is why I didn't audit more - every class I find out about I want to take, lol. Maybe this class is something I can take further down the road, but I think it might be off the table completely because I think it's twice a week and one of the time slots is really bad for me.

I know people who are in two or three (expensive) classes at a time - how do they afford it? How? Actually, now that I think about it I've done two at a time. It's hard - time wise and money wise.

I have to stop finding classes I wanted to take, lol! Actually there was one class I audited that I didn't care for. Liked what was being taught in the class, liked the teacher, didn't like the people in the class. Couldn't put my finger on it. It almost seemed like no one wanted to be there and they all disliked each other. I did talk to someone else who audited the same class and they got a similar vibe. Then I think I figured it out - they weren't friendly to newcomers. I don't know what it was - were they judgmental? threatened? feeling superior? or just so into preparing for their own scenes that they came off as stand-offish? Whatever it was, I've never been in such and unwelcoming class environment before.

I've only known of one other class like that and I wasn't in the class. I knew people in the class and heard it was very cliquish and if the people in the clique didn't think you were good, or didn't like you, forget it. I think the clique actually got a few people kicked out of the class for these reasons. Instead of the teacher actually helping them get better (*gasp!* what a concept! a teacher actually TEACHING!) they would get kicked out of class. And they found a very clever way of doing it to cover their backs. Now that I think about it, that's lame, if you really think someone doesn't belong in a class just be honest with them, jeez! I know people who have been told straight up they don't belong in a particular class.

So I started my new class. Wow, I think this is going to be pretty intense. INTENSE! And they start you off slow in the class too! I feel like I'm trying to figure out stuff in this class right now. It seems like it's one of those classes that strips away everything - like things you may have relied on or used in the past - and cuts to the chase. I haven't yet figured out how to use all that for auditioning or when I book something, but I'm sure that will come. I've only been in one class! Either I am going to get a lot out of this class or in 2 months I'm going to be like, okay, this is useless. I think this is going to be one of the most challenging classes I've taken.

I do have to say I was very nervous at the start of class but didn't feel bad about anything I did, even when it wasn't good. I also felt like I was very uninhibited in the work I did. It was a feeling of not caring if I completely failed. And I didn't seem to care what other people thought. Usually I get caught up in "am I doing the exercise right?" but I didn't do that. I actually felt really good about my work. Was it my best work? Probably not. Were there things I needed to work on? Definitely. But overall I felt good.

I was telling someone that I was trying to decide between this class and another one I audited. I felt like that class was the one I "wanted" to take, and this class was the one I "needed" to take. I think I made the right decision.

And if I end up hating it a month from now I can always leave and take the other class, lol!

Done deal

I'm done with auditing classes. I've made my decision, talked to the necessary people, decided on a start date, and now just need to do all the paperwork, etc. I swear this is more time and effort than when I applied to college, lol!

I researched quite a few classes, but audited very few. Maybe I should've checked out some more, but I was already having a hard time deciding what to do. It seemed like everytime I checked out a class I was like, "ooh, I wanna take THAT class!"

I have to admit, I'm a little surprised in my decision. Or maybe I'm not. What I decided on was a acting technique/scene study class that's heavily based on one particular acting technique. Yeah, I guess that the best way to describe it. I just felt like this is what I need at this particular point in time. There's a part of me that always felt like I never really got a strong enough background in acting technique. I don't know if that's actually true or not, but something about taking a hard-core acting class will put my mind at ease. This class will make me work a little different than I'm used to, which I think will be really challenging. It might be great, or it might not work for me and after a few months decide it's not where I need to be. All I know is I've been considering taking this particular type of class for awhile so I won't know if I don't try it.

I do feel like I've strayed from my plan...several times now. But I think this is going to work better for me. This is what I need right now.

I'm sure I'll have more on this later...

Everywhere

You know how sometimes you hear a word you've never heard before and suddenly you hear it everywhere? Something like that just happened to me.

If you've read my previous posts I've been auditing acting classes. After one of the first ones I audited I Googled the instructor's name and also looked them up on IMDB. It turns out this person has the same name as an actor who was in a pretty popular movie when they were a child - one of those movies that is a pop culture icon. I knew it wasn't the same person because I knew some of the instructor's credits.

A few weeks later I'm in class and someone was assigned a monologue from that pop culture icon movie. Someone asks who played the character. No one knew so I looked it up on IMDB (love my iPhone!) and it turns out it's the actor that has the same name as the instructor.

Cut to about a month later and I'm telling someone about the class I audited. They asked who taught it and when I said the name they tell me their related to this person. It's a somewhat common name and the person has the same last name so I guess that they're making a joke because someone in their family has that name. I say there's more than one person and that one was in the pop culture icon movie. They're like, yeah, that's who I'm related to. They know it's not the same person because their relative isn't acting anymore.

Weird! Maybe this is a sign I should be taking this class, lol.

I was supposed to have made my decision right now which class I'm going to take. A minor wrench got thrown into the plan (something that didn't have to do with me) that had me put off my decision until next week. I'm 99% sure I know what I'm doing but have more audit next week and then I can make my final decison.

Still looking

So I'm continuing my quest for a new acting class. I've audited a few, and missed a few opportunities to meet some other teachers which I'm kind of bummed about, but it just didn't fit into my schedule.

I'm not going to write about every single class I checked out. There's two that I'm considering, so I'll write about those. Both of them seem challenging, for different reasons. I'm pretty sure I would make so much progress in either of these classes. They both meet more than once a week and I think they're both reasonably priced - I know one is, I'm not sure about the other one, but I thought I read that it's on the lower side of average price. One is ongoing and one is a set amount of weeks.

They both had a very different vibe - the teaching styles, the other people in the class, the way the class is structured. What techniques they're based on. I really, really wish I had the time and money to do both, but I don't.

Class #1
This class has a beginning and end and teaches a very specific thing. Other than the class got going a little late (which may have been because this was a special class where people were showcasing stuff and they were waiting for a few more people who RSVPed to arrive) and there was a little bit more of a relaxed vibe than I'm used to, I instantly loved this class. While I was still at the class I thought, "I want to take this class!" They showcased some very, very challenging stuff and I was blown away. Completely fascinated and totally wanted to jump up there and do what they were doing. It was challenging but I knew I could do it. The people in the class were talented and super friendly. Then again, on the flip side, that could've been because it was an open house and people were being friendly. But I didn't feel like an outsider.

Class #2
I had heard about this particular acting studio several times and had thought about checking them out in the past, but never did. Finally the timing was right and I decided to take the plunge and do an audit. This is an ongoing class that's more of a traditional acting class. A lot of it is based in a particular technique that I was always curious about. To be honest, I had a hard time weighing in on this class. It wasn't like the other one where I instantly knew I would like it. I kind of got a weird vibe from a lot of the people in the class. I don't want to go into it because I had only gone to one class. I also don't think I could really describe it well anyway. I was given a heads up not to be wierded out if people seem stand-offish, they're just trying to prepare, get into character, etc. I think what's taught in this class would really help me out immensely with some of my problem areas. But something felt a little off, like a lot of people in the class weren't enjoying it, or didn't want to be there. I can't put my finger on it, something was a little off. Again, maybe it was because people were trying to prepare. There was also a few things about how the class was run that I wasn't used to - but that could have to do with what's taught in the class. There was also different levels of people in this class - some better than others.

I wish I could do both classes, but time and money just won't permit it.

Why can't I blend these two classes together? Maybe I need to say no to both these classes and find a different one. I think what's taught in the second class is what I want to focus on, but don't know if that particular class is a good fit for me. So maybe I need to find another class that focuses on the same technique of the second class, but has more of a vibe of the first class.

I so want to go running back to one of my previous classes - it would be soooo simple. But that's the exact reason I can't. In fact, both those are off the table for the time being because I don't think either one will help me right now. So that might put me back at square one...

I have one more thing on Monday that will help me decide, so I'm making a decision on Tuesday. This is such a major decision. But I know how important it is to find the right class. I've been in the wrong class too many times, and I just can't do it again...

New Year, New Class

I'm trying to find a new acting class. I've taken class at the same place for awhile now and I just need a change. A different type of class. I was going to do another class there that I haven't taken yet but the truth is I just can't do it right now. I'm at the point where I'm trying to get this whole voice over thing up and running and it's taken way more time, effort, and money then I ever expected. I just don't have the money to do that class right now.

I went back to my old, old, old acting class temporarily. I'm scared to death to not be in some sort of class. I was recently at a CD workshop and the CD went around the room and asked us where we were all studying! This class was the easiest solution for right now, mostly because the class is dirt cheap. It's fun, but I just feel like I need something more challenging...

So I think I narrowed it down to three possible classes. In January I found out about an interesting class and went to an open house at the acting studio. I was completely fascinated by this class and for the most part the people in it were really, really good. The class meets twice a week and one of the days is the day I have my other class so I said I was interested in the class, but couldn't do it right at that moment. It's also somewhat affordable. It seems like a chunk of money, but it meets for four hours twice a week, and I think it's 18 classes total. Break that down and it's pretty inexpensive. And I get a discount! I just needed to finish my other class before I start this one.

Then I found out about another possible class. This was only a 4 week workshop, but I've taken so many classes similar to this one. But it was a chance to work with a working professional. I got an e-mail about a free intro class and RSVP'ed, but never heard back. So I never went. Okay, I guess THAT decision was made for me.

There's one more class I want to audit. They're doing some deal where you can audit 2 classes and actually participate in the classes. I RSVP'ed to take them up on the offer but haven't heard back yet, but it's only been a day. If I don't hear back soon this may be another decision that's made for me.

So unless some other wrench gets thrown into the plan it looks like I'll be sticking with the first class. The one I really wanted to take.

I'm not sure how well known the teacher is for that class, but is that important? I think that's a whole other post.

Oh man, that reminds me, I keep forgetting to e-mail the place where I was taking class and tell them I need to take a break! I have a feeling they know since I haven't been in class for over a month!